In the 1980's when I first found myself in an abusive situation the world was a very different place. I would find out later that being abused in any form could set a vicious cycle into effect; this cycle would begin to color all of my relationships. This cycle would affect my life, my decisions and takes years to completely untangle from.
If you find yourself going from bad relationship, to the next you are not alone. A lot of us have been there, too. We are otherwise bright and capable women who may have many areas of our lives together; except for attracting broken partners. Broken partners are partners who hurt. Healthy relationships are not based upon hurt or need. If you feel like you are addicted to an unhealthy relationship chances are that you are. Not all unhealthy relationships turn violent; but some do.
No matter how you were raised to think of yourself no one "deserves" to be hurt.
If you are visiting here and wish to leave a comment; feel free. Do not do anything that makes you uncomfortable, makes you nervous or could jeopardize your safety.
One of the goals here was just to share; whatever came to mind. My experience may have been different than yours; but maybe something I can share will give you peace, or hope, or just a 5 minute break from the stress.
I have no answers; I can only direct to to organizations like the National Coalition Against Domestic Abuse who can help you find answers.
When I live in abusive situations I was overwhelmed with fear, doubt and a complete lack of trust. I actually firmly believed that I somehow deserve to be treated badly. It wasn't true for me. It isn't true for you.
Some women never experience abuse in any form. Some only experience an incident or two. Some die at the hands of their abusers.
My very first relationship was abusive. I had no self-image or confidence. And much like an addict I grew progressively worse; attracting only unhealthy partners. I had little in the way of family support; and so it was not long before I truly believed I deserved very little in the way of love or happiness. I became just as sick as the partners I was attracting. The last unhealthy partner was a man I had known for about twenty years. He was overtly broken; and I could not see any of it. Ten plus years ago he abused both of my small children; almost killing my 7 month old son. My son is nearly 15; and is permanently disabled because of the abuse he suffered at this man's hands.
Having survived this makes all of your stories very important to me. Do not trivialize what you face; and do not call it something else.
I will be sharing my son's story in the form of a novel shortly. I hope it will encourage all who read; but most especially those who fight to get to a healthy place.
I am here. I want you safe. I want to one hear the stories of what you overcame.