Creating a safe place in which women can share their concerns, their victories and their feelings regarding rising out of abusive situations. Sometimes you may not have anyone to talk with about this; I am here. I have been where you are. If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Check out my about.me profile!
Showing posts with label The House that Silence Bought. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The House that Silence Bought. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Friday, March 30, 2012
...greater treasures than Mega Millions...
Mega Millions was recently over 1/2 a billion dollars...
(and at the same time Powerball was over 60 million)
...but get this, a few months ago Jordan learned how to give kisses...(before it was a very hard concept for him because of partial blindness and coordination)
...so now I get kisses everyday...he says
"you give me a kiss and I'll give you a kiss" and he does...and so how very rich am I ???
(and at the same time Powerball was over 60 million)
...but get this, a few months ago Jordan learned how to give kisses...(before it was a very hard concept for him because of partial blindness and coordination)
...so now I get kisses everyday...he says
"you give me a kiss and I'll give you a kiss" and he does...and so how very rich am I ???
(posted earlier...)
So sometimes I get grief about posting a lot about the novel "The House that Silence Bought", about my kids, and specifically about my son Jordan. And whatever.
Jordan and overcoming abuse was the inspiration for the novel...some of you know that, some not. Please read the novel, we would appreciate it. I used to think that the book would be just a forum for Jordan later in his life; mainly because he has no idea he is disabled. But these days I fear he make make it to later in life. He is nearly 15; but behaves like a 5 year old. That is hard for a parent to face. But what is harder to face is that he is not growing very much. There may be many reasons for this; for instance he is on a lot of very damaging medications. These drugs not only potentially damage his liver, mess up his sleep patterns, but also when conbined seemed to be affecting his growth. So of course prayers and welcome.
Jordan and overcoming abuse was the inspiration for the novel...some of you know that, some not. Please read the novel, we would appreciate it. I used to think that the book would be just a forum for Jordan later in his life; mainly because he has no idea he is disabled. But these days I fear he make make it to later in life. He is nearly 15; but behaves like a 5 year old. That is hard for a parent to face. But what is harder to face is that he is not growing very much. There may be many reasons for this; for instance he is on a lot of very damaging medications. These drugs not only potentially damage his liver, mess up his sleep patterns, but also when conbined seemed to be affecting his growth. So of course prayers and welcome.
I used to wake up nights wondering what would happen to him after I died. But lately, I am scared for a different reason. I mean I do not know how much longer I will have him. Reality says, though, that none of know how long we will have anyone that we love.
So if I brag on my kids...especially Jordan...uhm, get over it maybe...part of it is normal mom stuff...part of it is part of framing his life...and those of us who love him, need that.
We all spend a portion of our time here on Facebook trying to sound educated, intellectually stimulating and politically attuned...again, whatever...lol...because I for one think life is incredibly short and blessed...and what might make the world a better place is appreciating what we have, while we have it. So when you run out of clever posts, just take a few minutes and brag on your kids, your spouse, your friends...the people you love.
(Jordan ~ the inspiration for the novel "The House that Silence Bought")
If you need immediate assistance, dial 911.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Monday, February 6, 2012
...people of the lie...
A portion of the proceeds from novel will help support local women's shelters
If you need immediate assistance, dial 911.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
************************************************Some families do not realize what they do to one another; they are unable to see their own dysfunction.
I was in an abusive relationship, once. Not my first.
I tried to confide in my step-dad and step-mother. I guess they didn't want to hear it. I felt that they glossed over it.
Why? I don't know.
Their indifference spoke that I was deserving of being treated badly. They felt I was making poor decisions; so they were just letting me suffer the consequences? Their judgement relayed, loudly, that they were good; and I was wretched. Right?
WRONG.
Anyone who treats an abused person that way is cold, heartless and evil. Yes, I used the word evil; like M. Scott Peck did in his groundbreaking book about the psychology of evil called
"The People of the Lie".
However, the plot thickens. See, getting someone to listen to me about my abusive ex was difficult. It was made harder because my ex was very close friends with my step-mother. That made for some very uncomfortable family gatherings.
Eventually, when the abuse got to be so bad that my two very small kids and I had to go to an abuse shelter, my step-mother was having coffee and socializing with my abusive husband. Why? because, wait for it, in their eyes, he was good and I was wretched.
In the mean time I could not have a civil relationship with my step-father...because he didn't want any confrontation with his wife, nor her good buddy, my abusive ex.
Are we having fun yet? Heck no. I ended up having two incredible kids with the guy; which he later resents. His resentment, selfishness and overt sexual problems add fuel to his already abusive nature.
So eventually in the attempt to get as far away from my unhealthy family and my abusive ex the kids and I end up renting a room from a family friend. We were in his house less than two months. The friend turns out to be even worse than the abusive ex husband...in fact the friend, who wasn't really a friend, crushes the skull of my 7 month old son. Son almost dies. And at the darkest hour of my life the same dad and step-mom who cannot be bothered with listening to me about abusive husband are nowhere to be found in helping in this even worse situation.
When the ex came in with a dozen roses and said he was going to take the kids, that he never wanted, away because I had introduced them to a maniac, if I didn't agree to re-marry him, guess who was supportive of me re-marrying him? yep, those lovely parents...because abusive ex was a golden boy and I should have counted myself lucky to have his affections once again.
I could not make this stuff up...and a novel based on these incredulous scenarios is out there selling, called:
However, the plot thickens. See, getting someone to listen to me about my abusive ex was difficult. It was made harder because my ex was very close friends with my step-mother. That made for some very uncomfortable family gatherings.
Eventually, when the abuse got to be so bad that my two very small kids and I had to go to an abuse shelter, my step-mother was having coffee and socializing with my abusive husband. Why? because, wait for it, in their eyes, he was good and I was wretched.
In the mean time I could not have a civil relationship with my step-father...because he didn't want any confrontation with his wife, nor her good buddy, my abusive ex.
Are we having fun yet? Heck no. I ended up having two incredible kids with the guy; which he later resents. His resentment, selfishness and overt sexual problems add fuel to his already abusive nature.
So eventually in the attempt to get as far away from my unhealthy family and my abusive ex the kids and I end up renting a room from a family friend. We were in his house less than two months. The friend turns out to be even worse than the abusive ex husband...in fact the friend, who wasn't really a friend, crushes the skull of my 7 month old son. Son almost dies. And at the darkest hour of my life the same dad and step-mom who cannot be bothered with listening to me about abusive husband are nowhere to be found in helping in this even worse situation.
When the ex came in with a dozen roses and said he was going to take the kids, that he never wanted, away because I had introduced them to a maniac, if I didn't agree to re-marry him, guess who was supportive of me re-marrying him? yep, those lovely parents...because abusive ex was a golden boy and I should have counted myself lucky to have his affections once again.
I could not make this stuff up...and a novel based on these incredulous scenarios is out there selling, called:
"The House that Silence Bought"
...and how dare I have the audacity to write about these things that never happened...and that fine upstanding people do not talk about in mixed company. Wow. I am thinking I should be strung out on profoundly disturbing street drugs by now. But I am not.
If you have faced anything remotely resembling these types of abuses and inhumanities, I am here...and I freakin "get it"...and you do not have to let incredibly selfish, gossip-seeking, hateful people so damage your self esteem that you do not seek help...sometimes families in denial can be just as damaging as any abuse suffered...at least that was my experience.
That's why I am here.
Stay in touch,
Michelle (aka Shelby)
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.
The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
That's why I am here.
Stay in touch,
Michelle (aka Shelby)
If you need immediate assistance, dial 911.
Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University.
She lives in picturesque Western Washington with her family and disabled son.
She lives in picturesque Western Washington with her family and disabled son.
...who am I...?
"The House that Silence Bought"
and there is a scene in it, based on actual experience, where the brain surgeon was prepping my then 10 month old son for surgery...the surgeon said if we didnt operate Jordan would die...I was crying and praying...and in my spirit I said "Lord you gave me peace Jordan was going to be ok...Lord, I cannot watch my son die" and very gently, very deeply I heard the Lord say back:
"Michelle, I know what it is to watch a son die"
...and it floored me, and still does
...God took the time to let me know that he could identify with what I was facing
...and I know I was loved and accepted
...and I would have been strong enough to handle it had Jordan died...I wouldn't have like it...but having God take time to share something that personal...made my life...makes me strong...keeps me going when hurting women want to hear from me/but family doesnt...it was very much like that Casting Crowns song...
"Who am I"...that the lord of all the earth would care to know my pain...not much else has mattered...and Jordan is now 16...disabled...but thriving...and happy...and incredibly bright...and a living testimony of God's mercy...thats why I shared a bit too boldly...how could I not?
God Bless you!!!
If you need immediate assistance, dial 911.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
Sunday, February 5, 2012
It is ok to become a "Rules" woman...
(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)
A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters
If you need immediate assistance, dial 911.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Michelle aka Shelby Anderson on Facebook
******************************************************************
My novel "The House that Silence Bought" comes out this spring...so far it have been reviewed as compelling, gripping and heart-wrenching. I hope it does well. It was meant to bless women who might think they cannot rebuild their lives if they leave. Let me know what you think. I would love to know your stories.
But if there was one book that I thought would keep a lot of women from making poor decisions when it comes to male / female relationship, beyond the Bible, it would be the book called "The Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider ( http://www.therulesbook.com/ ). While some may not agree, there are principals within the book/program that are specific to women/young ladies developing respect, boundaries and interests beyond looking for a mate. Why do I think assistance is needed in this area? Because some women feel that they are incomplete without a man. And some carry this to the extreme of going from man to man to man...without any consideration to the kind of man that would be suitable for a long term relationship. A lot of us are not raised to know what to look for in a man, a relationship or even in ourselves. This book can help in areas where you may be lacking. Even women who have have had unhealthy relationships, been divorced and have a history of abusive relationships can benefit from reading this book.
Investing in yourself, helps you to learn things you did not know, helps you to be more confident and makes you more interesting. If there are other books that you were suggested by a therapist, pastor or friend that you are more comfortable with, that is fine too. The real suggestion is to find resources to help you develop into the person you would like to be. To become the kind of woman that attracts stable, capable and emotionally available men as companions, friends and potential dates.
Women who have been through one or more abusive relationship will have a lot more to work on than just dating advice. Possible therapy, becoming aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and researching resources to help break bad habits are the priority right after a bad relationship. Sometimes these processes will take years. Sometimes a woman will decide not to ever pursue another relationship. It is all very personal and individual.
But once you have taken stock, done the psychological work, given yourself time to grieve and heal...and have come to the conclusion that you like yourself and know how to take care of yourself...then and only then would a book like "The Rules" help you choose better next (if there is a next time).
One thing that I am a fan of is making a list of traits you want in a man. a list of at least 10 traits or qualities that your ideal man would have. And then out of respect for yourself, adhere to the list of traits...this doesn't include money, cars or material possessions...no degree of accomplishment or money is a guarantee that you will be treated right. When I have varied, I have settled...and the relationships usually faltered. When I bargained with the rules, or my list of traits, I found I was dating emotionally unavailable men...and some of those men were abusive.
If you need immediate assistance, dial 911.
Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.
The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
The Legacy of Co-dependence
Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.
The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.
Buy Now at Barnes and Noble!!!
(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)
A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters
If you need immediate assistance, dial 911.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
**********************************************************************************
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Obsessive-compulsive disorder, better known as OCD.
**************************************************************
Free self-help for those with obsessive-compulsive disorder, better known as OCD.
Sometimes people who have survived abuse, especially repeated abuse may have tendencies for OCD behaviors. Here are some fairly recent facts to consider. There is hope.
From the website: http://anxieties.com/ocd.php/
Obsessions are repetitive, unproductive thoughts that almost all of us have experienced from time to time. We can be driving down the road, ten minutes from home, heading for a week's vacation. Suddenly the thought enters our mind, "Did I unplug the iron after I finished with that shirt?" Then we think, "I must have...but I don't know, I was rushing around so at the last minute. Did I reach down and pull the cord out of the socket? I can't remember. Was the iron light still on as I walked out the door? No, it was off. Was it? I can't leave it on all week; the house will burn down. This is ridiculous!" Eventually we either turn around and head home to check as the only way to feel relieved, or we convince ourselves that we did indeed take care of the task.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
This is an example of what can take place inside the mind of any of us when worrying about a particular problem. Obsessive-compulsive disorder, however, is much more serious. In the mind of the person with obsessive-compulsive disorder, this pattern of thought is exaggerated, highly distressing and persistent.
The second form of the problem is: compulsions: repetitive, unproductive behaviors that people engage in ritualistically. As with obsessive thoughts, there are a few compulsive behaviors in which the average person might engage. As children, we played with superstitions, such as never stepping on a sidewalk crack or turning away when a black cat crossed our path. Some of these persist as we become adults: may of us still never walk under a ladder.
Intense anxiety and even panic can come whenever the person attempts to stop the ritual. The tension and anxiety build to such an intense degree that he surrenders once again to the thoughts or behaviors. Unlike an alcoholic, who feels compelled to drink but also enjoys the drinking experience, the obsessive-compulsive person achieves relief through the ritual but no pleasure.
We have written a self-help book specifically for anyone suffering from OCD, titled Stop Obsessing! How to Overcome Obsessions and Compulsions, by Dr. Edna Foa and Dr. Reid Wilson (Bantam Books).
Common Features of Obsessions and Compulsions
There are seven common features of obsessions and compulsions. The first three are related to obsessions and worrying in general; the last four are for people who experience both obsessions and compulsions. Listen to which ones fit you.
(1) Your obsessions involve a concern with disastrous consequences. You are usually afraid that some harm will come to you or others. For instance, you'll forget to lock the doors of your house, and someone will break in and harm your family. Or you'll neglect to thoroughly wash your hands, and you'll develop some dreaded disease.
Some people have compulsions, and they don't have that sense of obsession. They don't really know what they're worried about. But usually you will get a sense of dread, like something terrible is going to happen.
(2) There are times when you know your obsessions are irrational. Some people believe their worries are accurate reflections of reality, and it's hard for them to get a perspective. But for most people there are times when you know that your worries are senseless. During good times, when you're not under stress, and you're not involved in your ritual or really worried, you can say, "This is crazy. This doesn't make any sense." You know that you're not really going to get sick if you fail to wash your hands five times. You don't really believe that your boss will humiliate you if you make one typing error. Nonetheless, when you start to worry, you believe those fearful thoughts.
(3) You try to resist your obsessions, but that only makes them worse. You want to get rid of these worries because they cause so much fear. But when you fight these thoughts it often makes them more intense.
This gives us a clue to one of the ways we can start to change this negative pattern. If resisting the thoughts makes them worse, what might help lessen them? ...Believe it or not, accepting your fearful thoughts will help lessen them! We'll talk more about acceptance in a few minutes.
(4) Compulsive rituals provide you temporary relief. Some people just worry, and they don't have compulsive rituals, so this one wouldn't fit them. But when people do use compulsions, they provide relief and restore a sense of relative safety, even if just for a little while.
(5) Your rituals usually involve specific sequences. This means that you often have a set pattern for how you wash, or check or count or think in order to be released from you distressing worries.
(6) You try to resist you compulsions too. If your compulsions are brief, and don't interfere with your daily living, then you can probably tolerate them. But if rituals are inconvenient and take a while to perform, then you probably try to avoid the rituals or to complete them as soon as possible.
(7) You seek out others to help with your rituals. Compulsions can be so distressing that you enlist the help of those close to you. You may ask family members to help count for you, or friends to check behind you, or your boss to please read over a letter before you seal it up.
These seven features should give you a better sense of your symptoms.
Causes
Until recently OCD was regarded as a rare condition, but studies now indicate that up to 3% of the population, or nearly 6 million Americans, will experience an obsessive-compulsive disorder at some point in their life. Symptoms tend to begin in the teen years, or in early adulthood. About one third of people with OCD showed the first signs of a problem inchildhood.
Men and women are equally likely to suffer from OCD, although men tend to show symptoms at an earlier age. Cleaning compulsions are more common in women, while men are more likely to be checkers.
No one can say for certain what causes obsessive-compulsive disorder. At one time researchers speculated that OCD resulted from family attitudes or childhood experiences, including harsh discipline by demanding parents. Recent evidence suggest that biological factors may contribute to the development of OCD. Some recent tests have found a high rate of OCD in people with Tourette's Syndrome, a disorder marked by muscle tics and uncontrollable blurting of sounds. Many researchers believe this suggests a linkage between OCD and brain disturbances.
There is a tendency for OCD to run in families, and many people with OCD also suffer from depression. The exact relationship between OCD and depression has not been established.
Treatment
There have been great strides in the treatment of OCD in recent years, and many people with the disorder report that their symptoms have beenbrought under control or eliminated. Traditional psychotherapy, which works by helping an individual analyze his problem, is generally of little value in OCD. But many people with OCD benefit from a form of behavior therapy in which they are gradually exposed to circumstances that trigger their compulsive behavior.
For example, a hand washer might be urged to touch an object she fears is contaminated, and then be discouraged from washing her hands for several hours. The goal is to eliminate or cut down on anxiety and compulsive behavior by convincing the individual with OCD that nothing will happen if she fails to perform the compulsive ritual.
Behavior therapy works best when the feared situation can be easily simulated. It is more difficult if the anxiety-producing situation is hard to create.
Medication can play a prominent role in the treatment of OCD, and is particularly helpful for patients who are bothered by obsessions.
In some cases family therapy can be a valuable supplement to behavior therapy. Family counseling sessions can help both the individual with OCD and his family by increasing understanding and establishing shared goals and expectations.
I cannot say I have been there. I can say "I am there". So I do understand.
Check in with me,
Michelle aka Shelby Anderson
Also being marketed in Internationally in Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!
Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.
The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.
If you need immediate assistance, dial 911.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
My Kitten, Tigger...and Other Strays...
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I try to blog from what is going on in my everyday life, movies that I watch, songs that I love, silly things my kids say and do...and of course challenges that we face...or have faced.
I just shared this story on facebook...and when I stopped sniffing/crying, I realized that this story was so appropriate for those who have been abused...Somewhere inside maybe we are all little lost kittens, wanting desperately to be picked up, loved, nurtured and accepted...the revelation that we are all alone in the world is a stark and painful one...the only thing that makes it better is when we find a place that we can call home...acceptance, love and nurturing can do some very wonderful things to the human soul; just as rejection, abandonment and scorn can damage it...
I have to own my poor decisions, not matter what contributed to them...we all do...but I do wonder if a lot of realize just how much power we have to lift or annihilate another human being in what we do and say. When I find my self "not at my best" which can include yelling, being short -tempered and overbearing...I stop to ponder just where all of that comes from...very few situations require such outbursts...so what is it really I am mad about? what is it really that is making me feel so pressured that I react that way?
If each of us were to stop every time "we lose it" and ask ourselves what was really hurting us, so many times it is not even the situation at hand...sometimes it is some other long forgotten wound, not properly healed...that rears its ugly head for attention. Pressure is having to do something and feeling ill-equipped to do so...so what is really causing our pressure? bills and deadlines come and go...kids will always needs us...and a lot of us don't feel we have accomplished or become all that we want to be...so if those things are almost universal, they aren't really the pressure...the pressure is someone wants something from us, and we cannot deliver...
Why?
Maybe because there is something else we are harboring...some hurt...some slight...something that has so distracted us that it invades our now...demanding our attentions...and crowding out our obligations...
Take the time when there is less pressure on you to explore those old hurts...talk to them...tell them you are listening...find a way to resolve them...if not between you and the actual person, then maybe on paper, or in your head...its not that you have to visit for a long time...just long enough to let yourself know that it does get better...and forgiveness is within our grasps in the future...things like denial, keeps us for doing the hard work of actual healing...
I helped a kitten just like in this picture...but I also was a kitten just like this...and I didn't want to be...I didn't want to be rejected, ridiculed or hurt...and so I can go back and say "Michelle, its rejection (or whatever) you are battling...and you will find your way through it...it doesn't have the final word" ...and then I can cry...and laugh...and anything else I need to make that one hurt, stop hurting...and then the next time the food boils over on the stove, the children need something at school without notice, or someone cuts us off driving...then maybe then our frustration level is a bit more manageable...
I kept attracting broken men, who could not give me what I needed emotionally, because I was broken and didn't have what I needed emotionally...their behaviors were bad....and they have to own that...but I would not have gone on the 2nd date, gone to the alter, or kept going back to them had I had healthy self-esteem.
So if you are going through abuse, getting away to a safe place is the first and hardest step..but once you are away, getting to healthy can be just as daunting...but don't give up...because I can promise you will get to a place where you like yourself a great deal...a place where your decisions get better...a place where you can see and work on old hurts.
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...these days we have a stray of sorts, Cecil, who has taken over our lives and hearts.
...this picture reminds me of when I was a kid, in Virginia...we were at a party...one of those grown up parties where kids just meandered about...I went outside with one of the other kids...in short order there was this mewing sound coming from this large mud puddle...and in it I found this little tiger striped kitten, that couldn't have been a month or two old...tugging at my heart, I took it in to the party and defiantly proclaimed that we needed to adopt the kitten immediately...probably because of embarrassment, my father relented...that kitten became my first pet, Tigger...after the Winnie the Pooh series.
...love the babies, especially the ones no one else wants!!!
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(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)
A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters
If you need immediate assistance, dial 911.
Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.
The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.
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