Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Imagine

Imagine actually believing that you don't deserve to be happy. Being so downtrodden that every decision is put through the filter of
"what does ot matter, I don't deserve to be happy, anyway?"

After a while careless decisions become easier and easier to make. Excuses for not achieving, not overcoming become easier and easier to find. Until nothing seems to matter.

Spiritual Warfare is real, and it takes place in the soul...the soul consists of the mind, emotions and the will. Why does it happen there? Because that part of our natures is not made new when we become born again. Our spirits become new, not our souls. And so begins the battle, the strife, between soul and spirit.

The soul remembers, the soul meditates on thoughts, emotions, and the past. The soul worries.

The balance is so filling our lives with the Word of God, the things of God, the actual presence of God, that our spirits bring our souls into alignment with Godly character.

One of the parables that Jesus spoke of was becoming "good ground". In order to become good ground we have to allow the thorns and weeds of this life to be dug up and routed out. Thoughts, emotions and the past, especially negative ones, can be thought of as the thorns and weeds that need to be dug up, in order to make us "good ground".

So the message that I got, and operated under for most of my life "that I don't deserve to be happy" was a weed. A negative impact on on the way I thought of myself, my choices and my corner of the world.

God doesn't automatically, nor instantly, just make us good ground. In fact, it is left up to us to do that kind of work.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Tonight

...Jordan and I sit alone, tonight...in a shelter...for battered women...I post this because the kind of judgment that gets passed on me? Was why am I living like this, at this stage in my life?
Women who have been abused, raped, taken advantage of, are supposed to break the cycle of abuse, get to a safe place and get help...so I did...
But it is inconvenient, embarrassing and frankly, not well tolerated...but, I did what I was supposed to do, to not be hurt anymore...
So who really can judge?
Would you want your daughter, sister or mother to be hurt, damaged and devastated, just to save face?
Nope...
The Bible says 7 times a man falls, and 7 times he gets up again...
It seems funny to me, that the ones who judge the most, are the same ones who ask why abused women don't leave...see the two edged sword of it all?
Some women don't leave abusive situations, because mean spirited people judge them, and make things harder for them...so, please shut up...seriously, unless you have walked even 10 ten steps in these shoes...

Monday, August 29, 2016

An Overcomer

Despite living through multiple abusive situations, I would like to think I am about hope, about reaching back to help others.
What is it that makes some people prone to being abused, and some not?
Are those who are abused more than once, or by more than one person, somehow inherently flawed, or deserving of abuse?
I am not sure that is a valid point to make. Because aren't all people worthy of being shown respect, worthy of not living in fear?
I am what an abused person looks like, not a victim so much, but an overcomer. I am not so inherently flawed that I deserve to be treated badly.
It is sort of funny in a way, because counseling for abused people starts by teaching us to ask for help. I guess a lot of people have too much pride to ask for help. I don't have unhealthy pride like that. I know enough to know when I cannot handle everything.
But what about when help doesn't come?  Or when there is no one to ask for help?

The old testament, in proverbs, speaks about getting away from from abuse...make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go, lest you learn his ways and get a snare unto your soul.
I bet a lot of abused wives would have liked to claim that scripture and get away, rather than dying at the hands of their abusers.
No one can sit in judgement of those who are abused, because until you have been there, you don't know what it is like.

Jordan's Voice

What kind of father doesn't see his disabled son, for any reason?
When Jordan and I moved back down South, there were lots of expected and unexpected things we faced. But I am not sure I could have forseen Jordan's dad not even caring to see him.
And he blames it all on me? His bad behaviors are my fault? So he says. He is more consumed that I not speak openly about it, than he is with seeing his flesh and blood, disabled son.
There are no words for such heartlessness.
So, besides praying and move on? We are going to act like none of them even exist. It is the only way to shield my son from this hurt. They are now in God's hands. So, sad.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Do we all abuse?



So at some time any person who has gone through abuse will ask themselves a question like this...which is, do we all abuse???

20 years ago yelling or spanking wasn't considered abuse; in some households it was just the average pre dinner routine.
But now courts are saying we cannot even spank our children, for goodness sake. 

When I speak of abuse I am not speaking of yelling at your kids, or even spanking them. 

I am speaking of adult on adult, physical violence, verbal and mental abuse and sexual abuse.

My ex once punch a hole in the wall and then said 
"I bet you are glad you aren't the wall"
...and that is abuse. 
So too, of course, is getting punched.
So, in effort to answer to the question: 

I think we all can abuse, cross a line, or even "lose it" big time.

The abuse comes in making the other person afraid. The abuse comes in the power play.
The abuse comes in exerting power, fear or intimidation over the other person.

If I want my children to learn to respect others, they must first respect me...but making them fearful is not the same as teaching respect.

And in a marriage, or love relationship, why would there be any cause for instilling fear or intimidation? In a romantic relationship there is no boss, no parent, no authority figure. Yet many marriages are conducted that way.

I am deciding, as I write this, that maybe I may not marry again. I might, but the chances are small. I am not cynical about love, far from it, just pragmatic.

I wonder what God thinks of those who plead the cause for neglected pets, but see nothing wrong with aborting human babies? Sees nothing wrong with abusing humans.

I wonder if God's heart breaks when those who are mentally or physically disabled, are cast aside?


Don't get me wrong, I adore animals, but not to the exclusion of humans, and to the plight some humans face. 

How did we get so far off the path of caring for one another? 

...if I can impart any wisdom at all...it would be to say, that those you cast aside, are human...despite their challenges they know if they are loved, respected and enjoyed...the can feel your apathy, they can tell you see them as a burden...and most of all your silence is deafening...

...when you decide which causes are most important to you, check out your own family first, and find those who are hurting, discarded and abandoned...before spending your energies on other things...even in the Bible we are admonished to care for the widows and orphans... (but are we?)

Okay, so I am bright, educated...heck, I can be a laugh a minute riot...but can a person get to the point where they are unable to trust? Sometimes I think that I have.

In proverbs in the Bible it says words to the effect that we are not make no friendship with an angry man...and with a furious man we should not go...lest we learn his ways and get a snare unto our souls...But what if we have been with more than one furious man? are we damned? No. I do not think that is what it is saying...I think it means we can learn their bad habits...we can learn their disregard for respect...which could explain how some women can go from abusive relationship to abusive relationship.

Let me know how you are doing.

Michelle





(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters



If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


Orphaned 2

..I wonder what God thinks of those who plead the cause for neglected pets, but see nothing wrong with aborting human babies?
...I wonder if God's heart breaks when those who are mentally or physically disabled, are cast aside?

...don't get me wrong, I adore animals, but not to the exclusion of humans...

...how did we get so far off the path of caring for one another?

...if I can impart any wisdom at all...it would be to say, that those you cast aside, are human...despite their challenges they know if they are loved, respected and enjoyed...they can feel your apathy, they can tell you see them as a burden...and most of all your silence is deafening...

...when you decide which causes are most important to you, check out your own family first, and find those who are hurting, discarded and abandoned...before spending your energies on other things...even in the Bible we are admonished to care for the widows and orphans... (but are we?)

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Recovery and Healing

In time, there will come a time when you can rebuild your life.

You can be different. You can take responsibility for your life, and build something strong, healthy and loving.

It is not just enough to get away from an abuser, you must also to the work of becoming healthy, so that you don't keep attracting men with unhealthy habits. If you work at making yourself healthy, unhealthy men will walk away from you.

What does it take to be healthy? 

It takes time, honest assessment, forgiveness  and a willingness to love yourself. If you love yourself, you won't put up with others abusing, disrespecting or hurting you.

You do not need to be with someone so badly that you sell yourself and your self-esteem down the river, by being with an unhealthy partner.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Orphans

Jordan and I are orphans.
And the thing about being orphans, is not a lot of people care; because if they did we would not be orphaned.

Jordan's dad has always had issues. His issue now with not seeing Jordan?  Don't know. He claims it is me. But the thing is, I was manipulated, controlled and abused my his dad, not the other way around. Yet, I get to be shamed, and Jordan abandoned. Not cool.

But shunning is how people are controlled, however wrong it is.

...someone can tell you that someone else will do something, but until they do it, it never really seems real...
...what have I learned in life?
...to be an advocate for those who are cast aside...
...to assert and procure love and encouragement for the ones that no one else seems to love...
...to pity the self absorbed, clueless and mean-spirited...why? because they miss out on some really great people when the write them off...

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Recently raped

I was recently raped.
Isn't sex without consent, rape?

Weirdly enough he had no idea that I write a blog to help women overcome abuse. So, I was able to untangle from him, and will be pressing charges.

He also threatened me life twice. He was a very sick man. I think any man who thinks he van take sex from a woman, without consent is a hideous excuse for a human being.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Hills and Valleys

This past month I was raped.
Why announce it? Why not?
Raped is an ugly word, and an even uglier experience.
I blog for women who have been through horrible experiences.
And 17 years after seeking shelter for an abusive relationship, something else happened.
And the thing is, it must be talked about. All people who experience such a violation must have the freedom to talk about it.
I thought I had come so far in life. I mean hey, my blog is about empowering women. But abusers don't care who you are or what you have accomplished or overcome, they just take, impose and violate. They are like Terminators, and thye just don't care.

All I can say, is: he didn't know that he couldn't isolate me, continue to violate me...I had experience, I knew the red flags...I will overcome!

I am getting a 2nd printing on my book, but you can still go check it out:

https://www.amazon.com/House-That-Silence-Bought/dp/1617777439