When a person is abused it changes their perspective forever. It isn't that you will not overcome and rise above...because a lot of people do...however, it changes something on the inside...psychologists realize this and that is why survivors of domestic violence are more often than not classified as having "post traumatic stress disorder". Living with a volitile person is very much like living through a war zone. The person may feel violated on many, many levels at the same time.
Perhaps the biggest criticism of abused women is that they do not leave their abusers sooner...or that they go back once they have left. But people's living situations are rarely that cut and dry. And very few people can actually empathize with the abused person. Judgements and critical attiudes from others can contribute to the hopelessness that the abused person feels.
My perspective is uniquely my own...and though I have had many other experiences since living through abuse...my perspective is still to some degree influenced by the war zone I survived. If my daughter came to me and said she was experienceing abuse...because of my vantage point...I would listen supportively...ask hard questions...and make offers to help in any way that I could...I would not judge her faults in the mix...so for me it doesn't matter if she was a drug addict, alcoholic, prostitute, or even had bacl to back failed relationships...she is my daughter...judging the person for thier problems doesn't help them take responsibility for their lives...it just makes them feel judged.
In every relationship it takes too...so it goes without saying that in a lot of abused situations the woman could have done things differently...she is a fault-laden human...just like the male...But judging the female in so much of saying she did something to deserve the abuse is wrong. Accomodating abuse makes the abused person an enabler...is co-dependent...and is not healthy. Because the chord of truth that runs through these situations is no one deserves to be abused. I wasn't leading a risky lifestyle the first time I was abused. And yet there were those who treated my as though I had. So to those people I say "so". So what if I had been? My faults, however moderate or severe, mean that is is okay for me to be abused or treated badyly? No. Judging the abused is why they do not ask for help. It contributes to why they go back even once they are safe.
Apathy, judgment, and critical attitudes contribute heavily to the cycle of abuse continuing.
Let me know how you are doing.