Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Most Disconcerting Thing





(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters



If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).




Do you want to know one of the most disconcerting things about having ever been abused? Just the general feeling that it is not supposed to be talked about, at all ever. Not at the time. Not after. And definitely not years later.

To hear some people talk I am supposed to concentrate solely working through my issues, getting into great shape and trying to land another man. And I have gotten this advice from both well-meaning men and women...and also from mean-spirited ones. So after a while I started to question why on earth would the nice and the mean-spirited be on the same side of the fence regarding domestic violence issues. But the answers from both camps was the same. Which was that I needed to stop speaking out and spend my time trying to once again land a man.

That is insanity. And yet very prevalent. And it could be contributing to the cycle of violence.  After all if I don't speak out, then light doesn't get shed on the issue. If I don't speak out then the cycle continues. And if I am so busy trying to do whatever it takes to land a man then I wouldn't have the time to speak out. But wasn't being in a perpetual state of trying to land a man what contributed to me picking the wrong ones in the first place?

I do not have to be with a man. Or try to always be landing a man. Any of you that have been on that particular merry/marry-go-round know exactly how consuming and draining that can be. The insanity has to stop at the root. The root is the misconception that I operated under for decades which was I had to be in a relationship with a man in order to be whole or complete. But that is a fabrication imposed on me since childhood.

I have seen very few healthy, loving male/female relationships patterned. So maybe what is right for me is that I am do not seek to be in one. Internally I thought there was something wrong with me, or lacking in me, whenever I wasn't in a romantic relationship. But if the truth be told, and it should be, I wouldn't have known what to look for in the first place. And I sure as heck wouldn't have known what my contribution should have been. I mean, we aren't born knowing these things. They must be taught and patterned, in order that they be emulated? Right?

So the first guy who beat the hell out of me...well, I should have just walked...and called it his problem. But I didn't even know to do that. I went back to him repeatedly. I thought I could love him better. When in reality he was just making me sick. Left that one, finally. But no real down time. No learning time. No "me time". Just got back on the saddle, as I was told/asked or hinted at...to do...and bam...next unhealthy relationship under my belt. And the pattern of destruction was set. Each relationship grew progressively, and sometime even exponentially worse. And each time I would be encouraged to "get back on the saddle" once again...sometimes by the loving and well meaning...and sometimes by the mean-spirited. But not much of anything being done to break my own cycle of self-defeating behaviors.

My rock bottom was some guy abusing both of my kids...nearly killing my son.

And then...years later...I have the audacity to write a book about our experiences...and guess what? The mean-spirited didn't care much for it. That's ok though, because I no longer care what they think.

And I may not be whole yet. Heck, I may never be whole...but I am better in so many ways. In addition to being able to identify a violent manipulator fairly early on, I also...wait for it...I also don't look to the mean-spirited for advice anymore...yeah!!! That is huge for me.

Let me know if you can identify. 
Let know in what way I can be there for you. 

Sincerely, 

Michelle aka  Shelby Anderson





Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Back Matter...The House that Silence Bought



Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 


Buy Now at Barnes and Noble!!!


Purchase Here!!! Tate Publishing



(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters



If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).




Nothing can prepare single mom Lindy Ames for the nightmare that would plague her in April of 1999.
What Lindy first mistakes as signs of pneumonia in her six-month-old son, Jake, turn out to be something much worse, something potentially fatal. Doctors determine that Jake has been severely abused for a prolonged period of time and may not make it through the night. That night marked the beginning of the nightmare that was to become Lindy’s life for the next few years.
Upon learning that Jake’s abuse was inflicted by supposed family friend David Hardesty, who had taken Lindy and her children in when she was down on her luck, Lindy realizes she can trust no one. Then another shocking blow is dealt—her young daughter, Nikki, was abused as well.
During this painful period, Lindy cannot even turn to family for help. Profound family dysfunctions are revealed in the attempt to overcome the traumatic events. Lindy learns that her footing in her family had been precarious for many reasons, and uncovering those details leaves her just as scarred as any of the other pain she had ever faced.
Lindy must try to rebuild her life with only the help of God and the hope a relationship with him provides. Will Lindy ever escape from The House That Silence Bought?
********************************************************************
Shelby Anderson lives in Oregon with her family. She is in the process of pursuing a master’s degree in criminal justice.
This book is inspired by actual events. Shelby’s long-range goals are to form a regional non-profit to assist those people in her area who have endured abuse. People who have been abused do not have to stay victims; they can become empowered to reclaim their lives.




The Blade








(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters



If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).




Also being marketed in Internationally in Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!
*********************************************************************

Most of what I write about are mysteries, suspense and psychological drama. "The House that Silence Bought" is a fictionalize account of actual events, along those same lines. 

"Nothing can prepare single mom Lindy Ames for the nightmare that would plague her in April of 1999.
What Lindy first mistakes as signs of pneumonia in her six-month-old son, Jake, turn out to be something much worse, something potentially fatal. Doctors determine that Jake has been severely abused for a prolonged period of time and may not make it through the night. That night marked the beginning of the nightmare that was to become Lindy’s life for the next few years.
Upon learning that Jake’s abuse was inflicted by supposed family friend David Hardesty, who had taken Lindy and her children in when she was down on her luck, Lindy realizes she can trust no one. Then another shocking blow is dealt—her young daughter, Nikki, was abused as well.
During this painful period, Lindy cannot even turn to family for help. Profound family dysfunctions are revealed in the attempt to overcome the traumatic events. Lindy learns that her footing in her family had been precarious for many reasons, and uncovering those details leaves her just as scarred as any of the other pain she had ever faced.
Lindy must try to rebuild her life with only the help of God and the hope a relationship with him provides. Will Lindy ever escape from The House That Silence Bought?"

In May of 2000 I took my infant son into the hospital for what I thought was pneumonia. Less than two hours later I learned that my son was dying from having his skull crushed. He didn't have pneumonia; instead fluid was building up in his lungs as a result of traumatic brain injury.  Life, as I recalled before that evening, ended. Challenges like that would have been enough to try and process, only we lived in the deep South, where things can sometimes take a backseat to pride and proprieties. I was a writer before all of this; but watching my son of life support changed me. Everything was put on hold until the doctors could tell me that he was going to live; and that he had a shot a normal life. In the end the doctors told me me neither. It was miraculous when he came off of life support; but the only prognosis they gave is that they were basically sending him home to die.

This past May marked the eleventh year since these things happened. My son did survive; becoming permanently disabled; or as I like to call him, "differently abled".  In 2007 I was able to graduate from Oregon State University, dedicating the accomplishment to Jordan. I also have less than a year before being able to get my Masters in Criminal Justice. My other novels are maybe even better than this one; but to honor my son I submitted this one first. 

My definition of psychological drama normally means about the same as it does for other writers. In "The House that Silence Bought" it sifts through the kind of family dysfunction that facilitated my son's injuries. Billy, the person who almost killed Jordan, was someone my family and I had known and loved for over 20 years. Also, I was in the middle of a somewhat contentious divorce from a man who was abusive in nature; abusive to the point of my children and I relying on the assistance of a women's shelter. The kicker was that this man, the children's father, Richard, was also a friend of the family; and my family didn't want to believe he was abusive. I jokingly say that I got the children in the divorce and my family got my ex. It would be funny, or at least fun, had he not actually been abusive. To this day my incredibly dysfunctional family is friends with the guy. In any story there is, and should be, a lot more going on beneath the surface than what is seen at first. Since I had all of this swirling around my own life I thought it best to first write what I knew. I wrote it as fiction, because so much of the family still struggles with what they are able to process about themselves, the situation and my son Jordan as he is now. Situations like this can either bring out a person's best or their absolute worst. The novel cuts how it cuts; and lets readers decide for themselves on which side of the blade they reside.


Let me know if you can identify. 
Let know in what way I can be there for you. 

Sincerely, 

Michelle aka  Shelby Anderson






If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Slapping Revisited







(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters





I was sitting there watching "The Help" and I could barely contain myself. And I realized that that project for her was the same as this one is for me.

I do not go over having been abused because I want to live in the past. I go over it so that someone living in it now will be encouraged. Not every women who is slapped, raped, beaten or punched will leave; but the point is that some of them should. Some will die if they do not.

The dynamic between men and women can sometimes be a powers struggle. And in that light things can turn violent. And it is not that women are without some measure of guilt in things when they escalate. But people can walk away, agree to disagree...or even come back later and resume things. In an abusive situations one or both parties forget the rules, forget their coping mechanisms...in essence they forget to fight fair.

I do not live in the past. It has been many years since I have been abused. But it can still anger me, emote a response from me...leave me overwhelmed. I am not now, nor was I then a victim; or at least not helpless victim. I can yell for help, I can cry, I can call the police. And I can sit down to write a blog like this. A forum that says that its is not OK to hit, beat , rape or forcibly hurt another person. Words are powerful; and I have the God-given ability to string words together in ways that can help, inspire and rally other people.

I wrote a book about coming up out of more than one abusive situation. Its called "The House that Silence Bought". I joked with someone today that maybe one of the reasons I survived abuse was because God knew that I would one day go back and try to reach back for others who were still in the storm. It was a joke when I first thought to say it; and then as I was saying it, it became reality. That was, in fact, the reason I had lived through anything.

I am here. As I sit to write this I have only 5 followers; but one day that number will grow. Once day not beating the hell out of people will matter to us as culture.

Not all of you who survive abuse will feel led to reach back. That's OK. Sometimes just getting out is all we can muster. Be happy that you got out; that no one still treats you like a dog. Be happy that the choices you make from now on are yours; and not at the whim of an angry, maladjusted person who has no coping skills themselves.

I want to one day coin the phrase "highly functioning, dysfunctional people"...but it has been my experience that I, and most people I know, are exactly that. Much like some families are only 3-6 paychecks away from poverty, I believe that a lot of people are only a couple of emotional hurts away from not being able to cope in life... especially if those hurts happen back to back and without mercy. We act tough. we act like we have it all together. But that cannot be true of most of us; otherwise our lives would not be littered with addictions, like drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, shopping, gambling...etc..., that we use to help bandage up our faulty coping mechanisms.

I am here. I am happy to be as bold and tenacious as I am; otherwise I would have fade away into the woodwork the very first time I was was slapped, punched or raped.


Let me know how you are doing.

Sincerely, 

Michelle aka  Shelby Anderson







If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Saturday, December 10, 2011

O2MediaInc.com | The Balancing Act - The Morning Women's Television Show on Lifetime TV - myMoney - Stories on Money, Career, Shopping, and Saving

O2MediaInc.com | The Balancing Act - The Morning Women's Television Show on Lifetime TV - myMoney - Stories on Money, Career, Shopping, and Saving






How wonderful to be considered for being on this show. To be interviewed, to promote the novel, to share the story and to give a forum for women's issues. Its a blessing to even be contacted about it. Will be giving a forum to domestic violence issues for women, later this year!!!






(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters












If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Speaking Engagements



"The House that Silence Bought" can be ordered at any major bookstore or online website...including on Amazon, Tate Publishing online...and Ingram Book Company/Distributors for local retail ordering...ask for "The House that Silence Bought",  beginning February 2012!!!







(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters





So how do you give back once you have survived an abusive situation and you are doing better?
My first male/female relationship was abusive. And it set the tome for my other relationships. I did very little in the way of counseling, growing or healing in that first experience, so more than a few of the relationships that followed were equally as destructive.
My problems was that I was so insecure that my entire concept of who I was based on what others thought of me. If they thought well then I could could function; but if they did not I was stymied. Looking to those who should love you unconditionally to love you is normal and healthy; having them not love or support you is not normal.
But regardless of how my problems got to be my problems; they were in fact my problems. The untangling part came in not only figure out how I got that way; but trying to re-parent everything that I didn't know was broken.

Some of the things that worked for me was therapy, a relationship with God, becoming brutally honest, attempting to become assertive, reading self help books, and writing.

That's why this novel is so important to me. I have been writing since I was 11...always wanted to be a published author. I have written other great novels. But this was about what me, Judah and Jordan overcame. It was painful to write, because it had been excruciating to live.

I am available to speak at you Church, Women's or Recovery group. Please contact me, Michelle aka Shelby Anderson at shocking_pink_7@hotmail.com.






Not every women/person that overcomes will have the desire to reach back. Coming up out of an abusive situation is difficult enough that they may not want to re-trace their steps. And here is the sobering thought, some will not overcome at all; they dies in their mire. They don't get to overcome. I met women in shelters who are now dead. And my son almost died. Life can be tragically short.

This novel is for them, as much as it for you...as much as it for us.

So even if I was afraid to speak in public I would do it. I would do it for my kids. I would do it for women who have been in my shoes.  I wouldn't have known when machines were keeping Jordan alive, that I would one day feel this way; that I would one day welcome the chance to share in front of others the nightmare that I thought we would never overcome.

But more than just spouting off about our tragic little story, I want to here about you. Of course, I only want you to share if you are in a safe place to do so. If your abuser can watch over your shoulder, track your internet searches...or things like that...then don't share...don't put yourself in a precarious position on purpose. Safety is job one in the life of someone who is afraid.

My novel describes not being able to count on people in life, especially when the chips are down. Maybe you can relate. But the truth is, we are all alone in this world, even in functioning families. Ultimately our choices will fall to us. and if we find ourselves in the middle of a mistake, our getting out will fall to us. That's scary to say, scary to realize and very scary to live. Family, friends and support groups can only go so far...it is nice if they are there...but in the end if you have to get out, get out even if you do not have anyone supporting you. It is that important!


Let me know how you are doing.

Michelle




If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.