Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts

Saturday, February 4, 2012

The Legacy of Co-dependence








Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 





Buy Now at Barnes and Noble!!!

Purchase Here!!! Tate Publishing



(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters



If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).







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The Legacy of Codependence

http://www.thebridgetorecovery.com
When I first heard the term codependence a few years ago, I couldn’t figure out what it meant. Was it just a buzz word, a fad? Was it the invention of pop psychologists or a convenient marketing tool for the mental health care industry?

My confusion was underlined by the fact that every expert I consulted had a different definition. One said codependence was preoccupation with other people and their problems in an attempt to get one’s own unmet emotional needs satisfied. Another suggested that it was a pattern of painful dependence on people and on approval to find meaning, identity, and value. Another expert described codependence as a disease of relationships in which the real problem was one’s relationship with one’s self!

The most creative description I came across was this one: codependence is about growing up depending on someone who’s depending on something that’s not dependable. This could include anything from abusing alcohol and drugs to compulsive overworking, overeating, and overdoing almost anything. An example would be the child left in the car for one or more hours, enduring heat or cold, while his/her parents are working in the office.

Today, I use this simple, generic definition of codependence: “Codependence is the pain in adulthood that comes from being wounded in childhood, which leads to a high probability of relationship problems and addictive disorders in later life.” At the Bridge part of our focus is on the emotional deficits that develop when children grow up in painful circumstances.

Children of addiction, neglect, and abuse acquire social and emotional habits that turn on them in adulthood. Survival behaviors such as compulsive caretaking, martyring, door matting, scapegoating, controlling, people-pleasing, and approval-seeking are classic examples.

One of the negative emotional habits that codependents develop is categorical thinking. Everything is black and white with no shades in between. This always/never way of thinking leads them to over-react in social situations. Roger, for example, heard that some of the members of his Sunday school class were dissatisfied with his teaching methods. Instead of consulting with them on how to make the class more meaningful, he resigned and joined another class.

Another childlike behavior of codependents is personalization – interpreting everything that is said and done in their immediate environment as if it were directed at them. This creates a paranoid perspective, which leads to defensiveness, hostility, and isolation. At a meeting with his prayer group, Mark questioned the unwitting use of sexist language that had begun to occur. Another member of the group, realizing that he was guilty, assumed that Mark was chiding him personally. He took offense and dropped out of the group.

A third habit many codependents acquire is what I call obsessive over-analyzing. The mind goes round and round in circles until the emotional system either explodes or shuts down as a result of the overwhelming anxiety that is generated.

Another emotional habit typical of codependents is exaggerating or “awfulizing”. Children who have grown up in addictive or traumatized family systems learn to expect the worst. They are constantly waiting for the other shoe to fall. In adulthood, they are prone to place the worst possible interpretation on every event. They see neutral or even positive situations as negative, and they anticipate disaster. This expectation often sets off an emotional chain reaction that creates the very thing they most fear. People who are “stuck” in these immature emotional habits consider them normal. They don’t know any other way to think/believe/behave. Such individuals are not at fault! They need gentle and respectful guidance.






Obsessive-compulsive disorder, better known as OCD.



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Free self-help for those with obsessive-compulsive disorder, better known as OCD.

Sometimes people who have survived abuse, especially repeated abuse may have tendencies for OCD behaviors. Here are some fairly recent facts to consider. There is hope.


Obsessions are repetitive, unproductive thoughts that almost all of us have experienced from time to time. We can be driving down the road, ten minutes from home, heading for a week's vacation. Suddenly the thought enters our mind, "Did I unplug the iron after I finished with that shirt?" Then we think, "I must have...but I don't know, I was rushing around so at the last minute. Did I reach down and pull the cord out of the socket? I can't remember. Was the iron light still on as I walked out the door? No, it was off. Was it? I can't leave it on all week; the house will burn down. This is ridiculous!" Eventually we either turn around and head home to check as the only way to feel relieved, or we convince ourselves that we did indeed take care of the task.
This is an example of what can take place inside the mind of any of us when worrying about a particular problem. Obsessive-compulsive disorder, however, is much more serious. In the mind of the person with obsessive-compulsive disorder, this pattern of thought is exaggerated, highly distressing and persistent.
The second form of the problem is: compulsions: repetitive, unproductive behaviors that people engage in ritualistically. As with obsessive thoughts, there are a few compulsive behaviors in which the average person might engage. As children, we played with superstitions, such as never stepping on a sidewalk crack or turning away when a black cat crossed our path. Some of these persist as we become adults: may of us still never walk under a ladder.
Intense anxiety and even panic can come whenever the person attempts to stop the ritual. The tension and anxiety build to such an intense degree that he surrenders once again to the thoughts or behaviors. Unlike an alcoholic, who feels compelled to drink but also enjoys the drinking experience, the obsessive-compulsive person achieves relief through the ritual but no pleasure.
We have written a self-help book specifically for anyone suffering from OCD, titled Stop Obsessing! How to Overcome Obsessions and Compulsions, by Dr. Edna Foa and Dr. Reid Wilson (Bantam Books).
Common Features of Obsessions and Compulsions
There are seven common features of obsessions and compulsions. The first three are related to obsessions and worrying in general; the last four are for people who experience both obsessions and compulsions. Listen to which ones fit you.
(1) Your obsessions involve a concern with disastrous consequences. You are usually afraid that some harm will come to you or others. For instance, you'll forget to lock the doors of your house, and someone will break in and harm your family. Or you'll neglect to thoroughly wash your hands, and you'll develop some dreaded disease.
Some people have compulsions, and they don't have that sense of obsession. They don't really know what they're worried about. But usually you will get a sense of dread, like something terrible is going to happen.
(2) There are times when you know your obsessions are irrational. Some people believe their worries are accurate reflections of reality, and it's hard for them to get a perspective. But for most people there are times when you know that your worries are senseless. During good times, when you're not under stress, and you're not involved in your ritual or really worried, you can say, "This is crazy. This doesn't make any sense." You know that you're not really going to get sick if you fail to wash your hands five times. You don't really believe that your boss will humiliate you if you make one typing error. Nonetheless, when you start to worry, you believe those fearful thoughts.
(3) You try to resist your obsessions, but that only makes them worse. You want to get rid of these worries because they cause so much fear. But when you fight these thoughts it often makes them more intense.
This gives us a clue to one of the ways we can start to change this negative pattern. If resisting the thoughts makes them worse, what might help lessen them? ...Believe it or not, accepting your fearful thoughts will help lessen them! We'll talk more about acceptance in a few minutes.
(4) Compulsive rituals provide you temporary relief. Some people just worry, and they don't have compulsive rituals, so this one wouldn't fit them. But when people do use compulsions, they provide relief and restore a sense of relative safety, even if just for a little while.
(5) Your rituals usually involve specific sequences. This means that you often have a set pattern for how you wash, or check or count or think in order to be released from you distressing worries.
(6) You try to resist you compulsions too. If your compulsions are brief, and don't interfere with your daily living, then you can probably tolerate them. But if rituals are inconvenient and take a while to perform, then you probably try to avoid the rituals or to complete them as soon as possible.
(7) You seek out others to help with your rituals. Compulsions can be so distressing that you enlist the help of those close to you. You may ask family members to help count for you, or friends to check behind you, or your boss to please read over a letter before you seal it up.
These seven features should give you a better sense of your symptoms.
Causes
Until recently OCD was regarded as a rare condition, but studies now indicate that up to 3% of the population, or nearly 6 million Americans, will experience an obsessive-compulsive disorder at some point in their life. Symptoms tend to begin in the teen years, or in early adulthood. About one third of people with OCD showed the first signs of a problem inchildhood.
Men and women are equally likely to suffer from OCD, although men tend to show symptoms at an earlier age. Cleaning compulsions are more common in women, while men are more likely to be checkers.
No one can say for certain what causes obsessive-compulsive disorder. At one time researchers speculated that OCD resulted from family attitudes or childhood experiences, including harsh discipline by demanding parents. Recent evidence suggest that biological factors may contribute to the development of OCD. Some recent tests have found a high rate of OCD in people with Tourette's Syndrome, a disorder marked by muscle tics and uncontrollable blurting of sounds. Many researchers believe this suggests a linkage between OCD and brain disturbances.
There is a tendency for OCD to run in families, and many people with OCD also suffer from depression. The exact relationship between OCD and depression has not been established.
Treatment
There have been great strides in the treatment of OCD in recent years, and many people with the disorder report that their symptoms have beenbrought under control or eliminated. Traditional psychotherapy, which works by helping an individual analyze his problem, is generally of little value in OCD. But many people with OCD benefit from a form of behavior therapy in which they are gradually exposed to circumstances that trigger their compulsive behavior.
For example, a hand washer might be urged to touch an object she fears is contaminated, and then be discouraged from washing her hands for several hours. The goal is to eliminate or cut down on anxiety and compulsive behavior by convincing the individual with OCD that nothing will happen if she fails to perform the compulsive ritual.
Behavior therapy works best when the feared situation can be easily simulated. It is more difficult if the anxiety-producing situation is hard to create.
Medication can play a prominent role in the treatment of OCD, and is particularly helpful for patients who are bothered by obsessions.
In some cases family therapy can be a valuable supplement to behavior therapy. Family counseling sessions can help both the individual with OCD and his family by increasing understanding and establishing shared goals and expectations.

I cannot say I have been there. I can say "I am there". So I do understand.
Check in with me,
Michelle aka Shelby Anderson








Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 



If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).



Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Slapping Revisited







(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters





I was sitting there watching "The Help" and I could barely contain myself. And I realized that that project for her was the same as this one is for me.

I do not go over having been abused because I want to live in the past. I go over it so that someone living in it now will be encouraged. Not every women who is slapped, raped, beaten or punched will leave; but the point is that some of them should. Some will die if they do not.

The dynamic between men and women can sometimes be a powers struggle. And in that light things can turn violent. And it is not that women are without some measure of guilt in things when they escalate. But people can walk away, agree to disagree...or even come back later and resume things. In an abusive situations one or both parties forget the rules, forget their coping mechanisms...in essence they forget to fight fair.

I do not live in the past. It has been many years since I have been abused. But it can still anger me, emote a response from me...leave me overwhelmed. I am not now, nor was I then a victim; or at least not helpless victim. I can yell for help, I can cry, I can call the police. And I can sit down to write a blog like this. A forum that says that its is not OK to hit, beat , rape or forcibly hurt another person. Words are powerful; and I have the God-given ability to string words together in ways that can help, inspire and rally other people.

I wrote a book about coming up out of more than one abusive situation. Its called "The House that Silence Bought". I joked with someone today that maybe one of the reasons I survived abuse was because God knew that I would one day go back and try to reach back for others who were still in the storm. It was a joke when I first thought to say it; and then as I was saying it, it became reality. That was, in fact, the reason I had lived through anything.

I am here. As I sit to write this I have only 5 followers; but one day that number will grow. Once day not beating the hell out of people will matter to us as culture.

Not all of you who survive abuse will feel led to reach back. That's OK. Sometimes just getting out is all we can muster. Be happy that you got out; that no one still treats you like a dog. Be happy that the choices you make from now on are yours; and not at the whim of an angry, maladjusted person who has no coping skills themselves.

I want to one day coin the phrase "highly functioning, dysfunctional people"...but it has been my experience that I, and most people I know, are exactly that. Much like some families are only 3-6 paychecks away from poverty, I believe that a lot of people are only a couple of emotional hurts away from not being able to cope in life... especially if those hurts happen back to back and without mercy. We act tough. we act like we have it all together. But that cannot be true of most of us; otherwise our lives would not be littered with addictions, like drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, shopping, gambling...etc..., that we use to help bandage up our faulty coping mechanisms.

I am here. I am happy to be as bold and tenacious as I am; otherwise I would have fade away into the woodwork the very first time I was was slapped, punched or raped.


Let me know how you are doing.

Sincerely, 

Michelle aka  Shelby Anderson







If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Speaking Engagements



"The House that Silence Bought" can be ordered at any major bookstore or online website...including on Amazon, Tate Publishing online...and Ingram Book Company/Distributors for local retail ordering...ask for "The House that Silence Bought",  beginning February 2012!!!







(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters





So how do you give back once you have survived an abusive situation and you are doing better?
My first male/female relationship was abusive. And it set the tome for my other relationships. I did very little in the way of counseling, growing or healing in that first experience, so more than a few of the relationships that followed were equally as destructive.
My problems was that I was so insecure that my entire concept of who I was based on what others thought of me. If they thought well then I could could function; but if they did not I was stymied. Looking to those who should love you unconditionally to love you is normal and healthy; having them not love or support you is not normal.
But regardless of how my problems got to be my problems; they were in fact my problems. The untangling part came in not only figure out how I got that way; but trying to re-parent everything that I didn't know was broken.

Some of the things that worked for me was therapy, a relationship with God, becoming brutally honest, attempting to become assertive, reading self help books, and writing.

That's why this novel is so important to me. I have been writing since I was 11...always wanted to be a published author. I have written other great novels. But this was about what me, Judah and Jordan overcame. It was painful to write, because it had been excruciating to live.

I am available to speak at you Church, Women's or Recovery group. Please contact me, Michelle aka Shelby Anderson at shocking_pink_7@hotmail.com.






Not every women/person that overcomes will have the desire to reach back. Coming up out of an abusive situation is difficult enough that they may not want to re-trace their steps. And here is the sobering thought, some will not overcome at all; they dies in their mire. They don't get to overcome. I met women in shelters who are now dead. And my son almost died. Life can be tragically short.

This novel is for them, as much as it for you...as much as it for us.

So even if I was afraid to speak in public I would do it. I would do it for my kids. I would do it for women who have been in my shoes.  I wouldn't have known when machines were keeping Jordan alive, that I would one day feel this way; that I would one day welcome the chance to share in front of others the nightmare that I thought we would never overcome.

But more than just spouting off about our tragic little story, I want to here about you. Of course, I only want you to share if you are in a safe place to do so. If your abuser can watch over your shoulder, track your internet searches...or things like that...then don't share...don't put yourself in a precarious position on purpose. Safety is job one in the life of someone who is afraid.

My novel describes not being able to count on people in life, especially when the chips are down. Maybe you can relate. But the truth is, we are all alone in this world, even in functioning families. Ultimately our choices will fall to us. and if we find ourselves in the middle of a mistake, our getting out will fall to us. That's scary to say, scary to realize and very scary to live. Family, friends and support groups can only go so far...it is nice if they are there...but in the end if you have to get out, get out even if you do not have anyone supporting you. It is that important!


Let me know how you are doing.

Michelle




If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Order..."The House that Silence Bought" online


Where to buy "The House that Silence Bought"




(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters



If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).








Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Saturday, October 29, 2011

The Hand Dealt









(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters



If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

******************************************************************************
What would you do if your daughter came over one day and shared with you that she had been raped?
Would it matter to you who had violated her? Or how many times?
Would you listen to her tears, crying and heart?
Would you get lost in the details? Or simply let her talk, cry and share...consoling and encouraging where you could?
Would it matter to you her age?
Take a moment and put yourself in this very confining and uncomfortable position. And then take another moment to realize that if this has happened to your daughter, your friend...to anyone you know that takes the time and asks to share it with you...would you be doing them a disservice or injury if you didnt listen to them at all?
It is a humiliating experience to have someone impose their will on you physically. A lot of women do not share because of the shame they feel.
But should there be shame?
If they had been in a car accident, or gotten a bad prognosis from a doctor...well, there would be no shame in that.
How then is it then that shame is assigned to forcible rape?
Perhaps we have made strides in our culture over the last 200 or so years; but have we really in regards to how we as a society deal with rape?
A woman being raped screams internally for her attack to be over...she wants her attacker dead...she wants to die herself...she wants to vomit...she wants to beat something up in order to combat her sense of helplessness...
And for most the memory of the attack does not leave...it can shift...it can be put through the test of time and forgiveness...but rarely is it completely erradicated...
And perhaps what is most frustrating, foolish and useless is to have someone who has never been violated in that way try to tell us how we should feel...and how we should process the experience. It cannot be done.
But if women cannot even tell their own families, then how do we learn as a society to talk about it more freely?
Have someone completely take away your choice in the matter...and hurt you physically and emotionally in the process...and then advise me or others on how to feel, how to cope...how to deal.

Talking openly is shield of sorts...not that it cannot ever happen again...but that it doesn't have to keep you helpless...

So if your daughter ever comes to you and tries to share about such an experience...listen...one time or a hundred times...because if her feelings are not validated by someone she trusts, it is very much like being raped all over again...

Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand, well ~
Robert Louis Stevenson

Let me know how you are doing.

Michelle








If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Excerpt from "The House that Silence Bought"



..."Though a crucial part of this story has to do with the events of
an actual abuse case, the greater portion has to do with the backstory        
and the scandalous disclosures that surfaced later. There is a
chance that if my son had never been injured many of these dysfunctions
would have never come to the surface. In life, when people
know who they are and who they can trust, they develop confidence
and good judgment. If they do not have those things, they tend
to become destabilized and flawed. In my life, there was always
this churning cloud of mystery, doubt, and deception. Shedding
light upon those dark places was both scary and uncomfortable, and
yet it was very much worth the effort. The journey depicted here
was laden with unfathomable sorrow and dejection, but also with
great love and courage. Every person has a presence, or an influence,
with which they can make their existence known in the world.
Providing this account gives my son, Jordan, that chance. Some
time ago, my children and I faced an appalling tragedy. During this
time, and on more than one occasion, we were given sanctuary and
hope at Penelope House in Mobile, Alabama. We are appreciative
for the encouragement, assistance, and counseling received as part
of our case management. They also made referrals for us at other
local agencies that provided needed support and resources. When
it seemed that very few people could be bothered with us, the staff
was there showing an unending supply of compassion and respect..."


Let me know how you are doing.

Michelle







(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters
















If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.