Tuesday, July 14, 2015

What I have learned

It wasn't them, it was me. Well, not wholly me.
But if I wasn't impaired, insecure and otherwise emotionally damaged, I might not have endured bs, for the sake of being in love.
I didn't realize how off the mark I must have been, to have kept attracting men with blatant character flaws.
Self respect is not innate, it is taught. I wasn't taught it, so how would I have learned? I have no idea.
Maybe it is all academic. 
Maybe I can read all about self esteem on line or in a library, but it still  never settles in, never becomes tangible. Some of us will only learn the hard way.  

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Overcoming 1

Despite living through multiple abusive situations, I would like to think I am about hope, and about reaching back to help others. 

What is it that makes some people prone to being abused, and some not?
Are those who are abused more than once, or by more than one person, somehow inherently flawed, or deserving of abuse? 

I am not sure that is a valid point to make. 
Because aren't all people worthy of being shown respect, worthy of not living in fear? 

I am what an abused person looks like, not a victim so much, but an overcomer. I am not so inherently flawed that I deserve to be treated badly.
It is sort of funny in a way, because counseling for abused people starts by teaching us to ask for help. I guess a lot of people have too much pride to ask for help. I don't have unhealthy pride like that. I know enough to know when I cannot handle everything.
But what about when help doesn't come?  Or when there is no one to ask for help?
The Old Testament, in proverbs, speaks about getting away from from abuse..."make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go, lest you learn his ways and get a snare unto your soul."

I bet a lot of abused wives would have liked to claim that scripture and get away, rather than dying at the hands of their abusers. 

No one can sit in judgment of those who are abused; because until you have been there, you don't know what it is like, or what you would do.