Michelle aka Shelby Anderson on Facebook
My novel "The House that Silence Bought" comes out this spring...so far it have been reviewed as compelling, gripping and heart-wrenching. I hope it does well. It was meant to bless women who might think they cannot rebuild their lives if they leave. Let me know what you think. I would love to know your stories.
But if there was one book that I thought would keep a lot of women from making poor decisions when it comes to male / female relationship, beyond the Bible, it would be the book called "The Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider ( http://www.therulesbook.com/ ). While some may not agree, there are principals within the book/program that are specific to women/young ladies developing respect, boundaries and interests beyond looking for a mate. Why do I think assistance is needed in this area? Because some women feel that they are incomplete without a man. And some carry this to the extreme of going from man to man to man...without any consideration to the kind of man that would be suitable for a long term relationship. A lot of us are not raised to know what to look for in a man, a relationship or even in ourselves. This book can help in areas where you may be lacking. Even women who have have had unhealthy relationships, been divorced and have a history of abusive relationships can benefit from reading this book.
Investing in yourself, helps you to learn things you did not know, helps you to be more confident and makes you more interesting. If there are other books that you were suggested by a therapist, pastor or friend that you are more comfortable with, that is fine too. The real suggestion is to find resources to help you develop into the person you would like to be. To become the kind of woman that attracts stable, capable and emotionally available men as companions, friends and potential dates.
Women who have been through one or more abusive relationship will have a lot more to work on than just dating advice. Possible therapy, becoming aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and researching resources to help break bad habits are the priority right after a bad relationship. Sometimes these processes will take years. Sometimes a woman will decide not to ever pursue another relationship. It is all very personal and individual.
But once you have taken stock, done the psychological work, given yourself time to grieve and heal...and have come to the conclusion that you like yourself and know how to take care of yourself...then and only then would a book like "The Rules" help you choose better next (if there is a next time).
One thing that I am a fan of is making a list of traits you want in a man. a list of at least 10 traits or qualities that your ideal man would have. And then out of respect for yourself, adhere to the list of traits...this doesn't include money, cars or material possessions...no degree of accomplishment or money is a guarantee that you will be treated right. When I have varied, I have settled...and the relationships usually faltered. When I bargained with the rules, or my list of traits, I found I was dating emotionally unavailable men...and some of those men were abusive.
The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.