Every Daughter...

It is interesting that otherwise caring adults are completely stymied as to what to do or say about domestic violence.

If it happened to their daughters they would be appalled?

Yet, isn't every woman someone's daughter?

This doesn't just happen to other people...it happened to me...and probably to more women that you know personally.

With that in mind, talk about it, be a friend, be a resource, help break the silence about it, be courageous. For goodness sakes, quit espousing high ideals yet refusing to get dirty with actual problems, like abuse. 

If we were truly pragmatic about every women is potentially someone's mother, sister, aunt...and so on. How can we not be appalled that abused still exists in a society we call civilized? Empowering women who have endured domestic abuse, is not about fixing the men who have abused them; but rather about fixing the women. Men, in general, can be logical, dedicated, loyal, hard-working, disciplined, noble, generous and dependable. Even men who have challenges with anger, rage or their own abuse issues can have some very good qualities. These good qualities can make hiding the abuse relatively easy; because who is going to believe that a good employee, or good father or church-goer can also be an abuser? So untangling the male's behaviors is not out job. Life will find a way of making them accountable; and life doesn't, God will.

Women, the wives, daughters, mothers...whatever our role at present, need to simply concentrate on fixing themselves. Not all men abuse. Not all men will be like an ex. Not all men act out inappropriately. In addition to doing the hard work of working of yourself, you may actually find that you will want another relationship.

But still if there is a "next time" in your future your revised lists of desirable traits in a man can include traits like...logical, dedicated, loyal, hard-working, disciplined, noble, generous and dependable...in addition to good looking, romantic and sexy, that may already be on your list. But here is another trait you may want to look at...and that is how does he view women? Can he see all women as potentially someone's daughter, wife, mother, etc...? A man who can, is less likely to hit, punish or abuse; but that's just my experience.  

Sometimes you may not have anyone to talk with about this; I am here. I have been where you are.


Let me know how you are doing.

Michelle

 



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If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).