Friday, April 16, 2010

For Your Eyes Only...An Angry Post

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There will be people in my family who will not know about me, and my kids having been abused. The reason they will not know was because denial, as a tool, was alive and well in my family.

The abuse I faced wasn't just in 2000 or 1996-1999. The cycle was actually set into motion starting in 1984. I would share his name but he is currently incarcerated; and unable to properly defend, or explain, himself (I will share the abuse he inflicte,d in a later post).

The thing about abuse is, very few people want to talk about it.

Their daughter, or other family member, gets abused and they want to keep it to themselves. Some people evrn feel that denial is sign of strength. The person being abused sometimes is even made to feel like it is their fault. The person being hit, slapped, raped, (or whatever) is made to feel that if they openly talk about it they will somehow bring an even bigger blight upon the family, or their reputation. But as anyone who has ever endured abuse knows, all of that is a crock of utter nonsense.

Abuse needs to be confronted, exposed and eradicated.

The only time it is okay not to confront is if you are attempting to leave an abuser. When you are setting out to leave you need to keep that to yourself. A lot of women are beaten severely for even contemplating leaving; some have even been killed.

However, once you are in a safe place, and wholly protected, from your abuser; talk.
Talk at church. Talk in your family. Talk at family gatherings. Talk with your friends. Talk whenever it is you need to talk.

Women, or people, who have never been jack slapped, beaten or threatened will have no idea what I am talking about. I am not addressing those people.

The time right before my son was almost killed...the abusive husband I had just before...well he was a friend to my extended family...he was breaking things around the house; cussing me out almost daily; putting his fist into walls and reminding me how lucky I was not to be the wall; smashing small appliances...and my extended family, to this day has remained sociable with him...imagine my discomfort at trying to get away from him while my family thought he was still such a great guy...

It was insanity...and it still creates tension...I pity families who, for whatever reason cannot rally around their abused family members...they help keep the cycle in motion...they are sad and frustrating.

After years of completely segregating myself from those who weren't supportive, I have come to realize that some of my family is broken, dysfunctional and hurting themselves...wouldn't they would have to be?

People who have the daylights beat out of not deserve it...did not ask for it...and should not be shunned. They need tangible help...compassion...and enough time to heal their wounds and their hearts so that they can learn to make different choices.

This will qualify as one of my angry posts...appropriate anger though, is good people...because anger tells you something is wrong and needs to be change...anger is not the enemy...being abused is.

More later,


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