Monday, April 5, 2010

Creating a Safety Plan...

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


One of the first things I learned when I became associated with a women's shelter was, that as a part of personal responsibility, that I needed to create a safety plan. It was foreign to me because I was not use to making sure that my personal needs were met.

At the time, I only had a few friends; and I wasn't sure who to confide in about it. I thought I could trust my family; but that turned out to be not true. As is the case so often in cases of abuse there is so much more going on than just the incidents of physical, verbal or sexual abuse.

Sometimes there is dysfunction that runs so deeply, and for so long, that the abused woman finds that her family of origin might not be a place of safety either. When this happens she may feel compelled to keep going back and forth between getting safely away from her attacker and going back to him. If you find yourself vacillating back and forth between wanting to escape and feeling pressured to stay; try to see if you can establish a stronger support group. If people in your life are still communicating with your alleged abuser, then you may have to consider not confiding in them.

This was the case with me; when later in 1999/2000 I was steeped deeply in yet another unhealthy, abusive relationship and could not seem to untangle from it. My family of origin was actually friends with him; and had already formed their allegiance regardless of my claims of verbal, physical and sexual abuse.

Some people do not want to hear the truth. It seems that truth does not fit into their perspective. In my case, my family of origin used denial and other defense mechanisms to help them to "save face". I learned the hard way that if I was going to stop the cycle of abuse I was going to have to go at it mainly alone. I felt alone; and maybe you do too. But the real truth is we are not alone; and we are thousands strong, and we do not have to be abused

Drop me a line,


If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

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