Women who had been abused are going to be in different places at different times.
For instance when I was in counseling back in 2000-2002 it was suggested that I be treated like a survivor of a war...PTSD...because going through repeated abuse can scar a person very much going through a war zone...abuse is trauma to the the mind...it requires defense mechanisms that are very similar to going through a natural disaster or a battle...But some women who have suffered abuse may not have been treated like that...even though they needed to have been.
The biggest mistake? is minimization of whatever the abuse was...a slap...a punch...an episode of rape...a severe beating...a death/suicide threat...whatever form the power play comes in it is still abuse...and all should be treated the same...by therapists, friends, supportive family members...by anyone that the abused person is reaching out to...and it is war...a war of wills...of personalities...of power...of autonomy...in fact it has as many layers and facets as the relationship does.
My ex...the one from 1994-2001 like to think that he was not abusive...he would say that I exaggerated his minor temper problems...he thought break appliances, throwing things, putting his fist into walls and cabinets as very minor things...I fully suspect he was damaged as a child...most likely greatly...and so to him what he inflicted was probably much less tan what he had endured...after all he was such a nice guy...but nice or not..responsible or not...none of that stopped him from inflicting abuse...and not just toward me...but to others as well...
I had the added discomfort that my ex was well liked by my step family...so...I was cornered...my family was mad at me for trying to tear down this supposed great guy that they had always loved...but how was it that they had always loved him? because they too had learnt to excuse and look the other way during his episodes of abuse...even long before he and I were a couple...basically my family's stance was that I either needed to toughen up...or shut up...because what I was complaining about was as bad as...such and such...whatever...can you imagine that kind of reaction from your own family? Don't be too surprised it happened thousands of times a year...somehow the abuse victim becomes the bad guy because they expose...they talk...they ask for respect...it is incredulous, but rampant...
So where are you in your cycle of having been abused?
Let me know how you are doing.