Sunday, September 4, 2011

...Letting Go

(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

...having a love you can't hold onto is a fairly common theme in life...i just watched "Becoming Jane"...and what if she had been happily married...and yet her marriage caused grief...would she have become the same jane austen to have written 6 of the best written, most touching stories in all of literature? who knows? i have had love like that...the ones that are better to have let go, than's eleven years maybe enough time has passed to say that i loved someone who was better to have left alone...the pain of it so mirrors the deepest pain in my life...that i have been unable to even approach the subject in the last eleven years...later this year...and into next year my first novel is coming is fiction, but based on a true story...only there was a part of the story i couldn't tell, even under the cloak of being fictionalized...
i loved a man in 2000...a man i had known over 20 years, and yet didn't really know at all...i had been so sweet on him...for so long...that he was probably the only guy with the power to completely "undo" me...and in the end he did undo me...those of us who write are spurned on by great love...and great tragedy...polite company hates to hear this, but he was a great love...but how do you admit loving a man who could hurt your child...?and i don't mean just slap or spank your kid...i mean cause your child to come close to death...what kind of barrier must that be to loving someone?...
few people can grasp what that feel like...heck, just talking about it makes people fighting mad...but i did love him...i remember the day i met him...i remember almost every time of ever having encountered him...i remember wanting him to be the first guy i ever kissed, or dated, or even had sex with...he was none of those things...but i remember wanting him to be...and even through the years i would wonder what he was up to...wonder if he had ever had a crush on me...and wonder why there was this gulf that kept us from being able to fall in love and grow old together...and now in light of how things turned out...with most people thinking he was a monster...does it make me one too because i loved him? i know that it doesn't...but it all still just 2000...this friend...this guy that i thought i had been sweet on since junior high almost killed my son was only 7 months old
can you imagine what that felt like? wasn't like we had a fight...or one of us cheated on the other...instead i take my son to the hospital for what i think is pneumonia...and less that a week later this guy...that i arrested for being the one to have crushed my son's skull...that isn't something anyone could ever get past...
and with everything that followed then i have to just instantly stop loving him...i mean he reached monster status...and we just don't love monsters do we? how could i ever admit that i loved this guy?
it was all just a bit much to son almost died...for pity's sake he was an infant...extracting my emotions from having ever loved this guy was a nightmare...
my son is now 11...he is partially blind, walks with a limp, has seizures, is developmentally delayed/mildly retarded, and has autism...i have a daily reminder...a beautiful, disabled...reminder...that i once loved a person most people want dead...its such an odd, odd position to have ever been in.

Let me know how you are doing.


If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.

No comments:

Post a Comment