The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother; it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.
Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.
Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.
I get criticized sometimes for living in the past because I talk openly about abuse. But it is not true. I live right now in 1987...ha! just kidding I know its the 90's already... ha, again...lol
Seriously speaking I live in the now of 2012. I have two wonderful kids. I work part-time. I write this somewhat useful blog. And I have a novel out...called "The House that Silence Bought".
But this blog is meant for those who are in the trenches, right now...and in order to let them know that I feel their pain...I have to dig deep and share the most uncomfortable parts of my past...and I don't mind. I don't mind because rarely a week goes by when someone doesn't stop and thank me for being bold, courageous and available. And that is a very good thing. Think if I hadn't survived. Think if I had given up. Think if I was still in the trenches.
I have a bright side...in fact I get a lot of criticism for being too bubbly, to optimistic...and irritatingly happy...I can't help it...even as fierce as life was in the trenches it didn't beat it out of me...yeah!!!
Maybe it was because I was such a polly-do-gooder that I attracted mean guys...ha...that is funny and wrong...I attracted broke, mainly because I was broken and couldn't see it...let's see all the situations I can blame my brokenness on...my mom was mentally challenged, my parents divorced, my dad remarried, I was cast aside, my first marriage was abusive and it set the tone for all of my other relationships, I am too trusting, I am not trusting enough, I was sexualized too early, I was intense, overly sensitive and insecure as a child...naw...see none of things made me, broken...they made have helped facilitate brokenness...but there is nothing to blame it on except that I was in fact broken and had no clue about what to do about it.
And I was the worse kind of broken...the kind that thinks they are ok...the kind that thinks they are better than the alcoholic, drug addict, prostitute...when deep down my addictions were just a bit more socially acceptable than the normal bad habits that enslave us.
I got married as a form of addiction...when my dad remarried, I didn't fit in...not that first time in the chronicles of mankind that had happened...so I set out to marry and make my own damned family...only how on earth would I have known how to do that? Nada...I was incredibly bright, but I still didn't know diddly about building a healthy family life. So I went from bad relationship to worse relationship...never quite seeing what it was about me that kept attracting broken...and that is not to say that I deserved to be treated badly...its just I was only attracting guys who would treat me badly...ouch...and what a wake of destruction would follow...wow...
And my family? a lot of them not worth the ammunition to blast them across the street...some were ok...but mostly broken people themselves...and critical and judgmental...and mean spirited...so I did find it hard to fix myself when I really had no safe place to lick my wounds.
But I have figured some of it out...and what I have figured out is that you can re-parent yourself...you can rise above...and you can accomplish things you never thought possible.
Whatever it is that you didn't get from your parents...your childhood...your previous relationships...guess what...you can find a way to get it...to learn better...to chose better...heck, google it if you have to...because the information is out there...on how to overcome insecurity, on how to put up better, healthier emotional boundaries...on how to cook...on how to balance a checkbook...whatever it is that can fill the void...find it...take a class...sit through a seminar...do the work...become the person you want to be...and rather than being left for dead by those who abuse you...forsake you...and cast you aside...be the exception...be the beacon that beckons others who are broken too.
Let me know how you are doing.