Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The House That Silence Bought by Shelby Anderson | ISBN # 978-1-61777-743-1 | Tate Publishing

Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.
Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

The novel is being released this month; and already people are buying it online. It may not be a definitive work on surviving abuse, but it is a very personal one. It tugged at my heart to write it; and it also changed me as a writer to finish it. Good can come out of the darkness...the darkness of abuse, denial, dysfunction and self defeating behaviors.

If you have lived through something similar let me know. Sometimes sharing can improve a person's perspective.

My ex once called me a liar...and not for the usual things that a woman in a marriage can lie about such as her weight or how much she spends shopping. I am not excusing those things, just saying its practically pandemic that women sometimes keeps things from their husbands. It maybe shouldn't be that way. Maybe it speaks to a bigger problems in the relationship. But when you couple lying to keep your husband from getting mad with your husband may actually beat you for it...that is something else entirely.

I have the peace of knowing that I did not lie to me ex on a regular basis...except when it came to trying to get away from him. He doesn't want to deal with that, because he would have to deal with why I wanted away from him in the first place.

He likes to tell the story about how he called me from work one day and I claimed to be setting out the fixings to make red beans and rice. Red beans and rice is a favored dish in the South where we lived. I am not sure how often I made the dish for him, but that day he sounded genuinely happy to hear that was what I was making. And at the time I was telling him about it I was actually putting stuff on the counter to make dinner. However, I was also packing up my stuff to leave that day. I do not remember feeling badly about this lie. After all he had a temper to beat the band, so I was leaving him. My parents didn't want to hear anything negative about the man, so I had enlisted the help of my brother and a friend to get me away from him "this time". It is so tragic to have a pattern of leaving and coming back. And it wasn't just a case of the "boy who cried wolf" about leaving that upset my family; they genuinely didn't believe this man was capable of rage, breaking things, threats, rape and a whole host of other threatening traits. I had the added complication of him being a very dear friend of the family.

So this one time the only support I could rally from family was my one brother. and so we were packing, loading and getting the heck out of Dodge, so to speak. I left without a note, without notice and certainly without remorse. And to day this day my ex tells his version of the event all he mentions was that I lied to him. Wow. right? But that's the way it works. If they could handle the truth they would willingly go to therapy, learn new behaviors and habits and not make their families afraid in the first place.

I did lie to him. I was leaving and not getting ready to fix dinner. Lies in that kind of situation are at least tolerated, because of safety issues. But lies usually bend and twist a person; or at least they did me. I don't like to lie. I don't like lying even being an option; but with a violent, quick-tempered man it sometimes is...it mostly is. Of course as I share in the "Dissociative" post the whole relationship had been based upon lies. Untangling from that many lies wasn't going to be easy or fun, just worth it.

Available on Amazon, Tate Publishing online...and Ingram Book Company/Distributors for local retail ordering...so ask for "The House that Silence Bought" 

Welcome to my blog. Its not just the mad rantings of an abuse survivor, because I didn't just survive I overcame. The blog is also intended to be bold enough and provocative enough to stir those afraid to get help, to get help. Abusive relationships rarely, if ever, turn out well. There are the cases where the guy admits he is out of control, seeks help, applies what he has learned and sets new path...but that is rare...and as was pointed out in the movie "He is just not that into you"...that is the exception and not the rule...a bit out of context...but still applies here. Abusive guys rarely change, and rarer still change without serious intervention.

I want to know your stories. I want to know if you need help.

I am here. And I am here to say that you can overcome.



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