Tallulah Bankhead/highly functioning, dysfunction

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(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters

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Being non well-behaved...and other family connections...measures of empowerment...

"I have always loved the quote about well-behaved women rarely going down in history; and Miss Tallulah Bankhead was proof of that. I have been a fan since I realized she was of the same family that the Bankhead Tunnel in Mobile, Alabama was named for; because I grew up in Mobile. But surprise, surprise I found out just today from our family historian that I am actually a distant cousin (4th cousin, once removed) of Miss Tallulah...small world. Elizabeth Adeline Bankhead was my great, great, great grandmother...freakin a!" 

I can truly relate to not being well-behaved...just thought it was me! lol.
Just finished my first novel...called "The House that Silence Bought"...now available on Amazon.(...guess the well-behaved have their own clubs!!!)

So...not that there is significance in it...but I didn't know...and I loved Tallulah for years without knowing...and I am not saying that I am considered non well-behaved because of being related...but at least now I fit in somewhere: in the non well-behaved women's club!!!

So being outspoken and seen as outrageous is not the hideous thing I once thought. I mean I speak out against domestic violence...that's not exactly shocking behavior...but because I am very vocal about my stand, it still puts me in the brazen category...and if that's the way it has to be, so be it!!!

But here is an aspect that might need to be explored...how might I have thought differently had I known this connection as a kid? Would I have looked at the Bankhead Tunnel in Mobile, Alabama a little differently and with pride? Would I have seen a little less wrong with me being the way that I am if I could relate it in terms of her being gifted, outrageous and family??? I am thinking as a kid I might have. Kids search to figure out who they are. I mean you cannot ride on the coattails of someone's else life...but it also is what it is. Like when they get on Ancestry.com and say "my so and so lived next door to the Wright Brothers"...I mean connections are part of who we are and how we see ourselves. Kids brag about how their relatives came over on the Mayflower...or how many generations they can trace back...freakin a, I would have liked to have known that I had family, even distantly, that was exceedingly interesting, accomplished and outrageous. Small world. In reality it would have been odd for our paths to have ever crossed, I was born in the 1960's she died in the 1960's...but people have connected over less, that is for certain. 

My self-esteem could have still been tragically low even if I had learned this growing up...but it sure would have added spice to family gatherings...lol.

So what does any of this have to do with abuse, recovery and rebuilding issues? Maybe nothing...maybe a little. I do in fact, as I am writing feel differently about my connections in life for knowing this. I am prouder now to be as outspoken as I am about passionate things. 

So where ever you ended up Miss Tallulah, I tip my baseball cap in your general direction and say "hey"...because we non well-behaved women should stick together!!! lol

She had her passions, good bad or otherwise...and I have mine...oh that I could be half as noted and notorious for mine as she was for hers!!! Yesterday I didn't know. Today I do. 

Source: http://home.hiwaay.net/~oliver/tbintro.htm 
(but had I known she was family sooner <4th cousins>, I would have been my own source...lol)

There wasn't therapy like there is today back then. I say that because many of Miss Tallulah's extreme behaviors might have been softened or relaxed by counseling. It was said that she used to joke about having been raped when she was a kid. But what if it hadn't been a joke? What if it had happened and she simply had no one to whom she could confide? It might have gone a long way in explaining her overt sexual and inappropriate behaviors. I don't suggest this to be unkind. In reality if she had been molested and never got help for it, then she did well to be as highly functioning as she was. I bring it up to say anyone can be abused...even the famous, the not yet famous, the educated, the intellectual and the wealthy. she was a family member that I never met; but sure would have like to.


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Tallulah Bankhead was born in Alabama, daughter of Congressman William Bankhead (later Speaker of the House, 1936-40). Her mother died of complications from childbirth several weeks later, and she was raised in part by her aunts and grandparents. She was educated in New York City, Staunton, Virginia, and Washington, DC. Her exhibitionist personality was apparent from an early age.

Tallulah Bankhead's first part in a film was in 1917 and her first stage role in 1918. After a few other minor roles in film and on stage, she went to England in 1923, where she became famous for her flamboyant personality and deep voice, and was popular in the six plays in which she appeared.

Tallulah Bankhead returned to the United States in 1931 with a Paramount Pictures contract, and then was off to New York in 1933, where she was diagnosed and treated surgically for advanced gonorrhea. Tallulah Bankhead then returned to the New York stage in Dark Victory, Rain, Something Gay and Reflected Glory. Her 1937 film, Antony and Cleopatra, was considered a definite flop.

In 1939, she received awards for her work in The Little Foxes by Lillian Helman, and in 1942 she won awards for her performance in Skin of Our Teeth. Her film performance in Hitchcock'sLifeboat in 1944 won yet more awards; in 1948 she starred in Otto Preminger's A Royal Scandaland in 1948 she starred on stage in Private Lives by Noel Coward.

Tallulah Bankhead retired from the stage in 1950, beginning a radio show with many celebrity guests. In 1952 she hosted for a television show and published her autobiography. She appeared on Steve Allen and Lucille Ball's television shows and starred in a nightclub act in Las Vegas.

Several attempts at reviving her stage career either failed or had modest success. Her last acting performance was on the television series "Batman" in 1967.

Tallulah Bankhead married actor John Emery in 1937 and they divorced in 1941. She had no children. After her 1942 success, she bought a home in rural New York where she entertained frequently. Estelle Winwood and Patsy Kelly were among the guests who lived with her there. Her name was linked during her lifetime with many people -- men and women -- and she carefully nurtured her wild reputation.

Tallulah Bankhead was active in politics, supporting Democratic and liberal causes and campaigning for Franklin D. Roosevelt. She was also a fan of the New York Giants.

(http://womenshistory.about.com/od/actresses/p/tallulah.htm)
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If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.

Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Michelle aka Shelby Anderson's Facebook Page

...people of the lie...

 

Purchase Here:

 Tate Publishing

A portion of the proceeds from novel will help support local women's shelters

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Michelle aka Shelby Anderson Facebook Page

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Some families do not realize what they do to one another; they are unable to see their own dysfunction.

I was in an abusive relationship, once. Not my first.

I tried to confide in my step-dad and step-mother. I guess they didn't want to hear it. I felt that they glossed over it. 

Why? I don't know. 

Their indifference spoke that I was deserving of being treated badly. They felt I was making poor decisions; so they were just letting me suffer the consequences? Their judgement relayed, loudly, that they were good; and I was wretched. Right? 

WRONG.

Anyone who treats an abused person that way is cold, heartless and evil. Yes, I used the word evil; like M. Scott Peck did in his groundbreaking book about the psychology of evil called 

"The People of the Lie".

However, the plot thickens. See, getting someone to listen to me about my abusive ex was difficult. It was made harder because my ex was very close friends with my step-mother. That made for some very uncomfortable family gatherings.

Eventually, when the abuse got to be so bad that my two very small kids and I had to go to an abuse shelter, my step-mother was having coffee and socializing with my abusive husband. Why? because, wait for it, in their eyes, he was good and I was wretched. 

In the mean time I could not have a civil relationship with my step-father...because he didn't want any confrontation with his wife, nor her good buddy, my abusive ex.

Are we having fun yet? Heck no. I ended up having two incredible kids with the guy; which he later resents. His resentment, selfishness and overt sexual problems add fuel to his already abusive nature.

So eventually in the attempt to get as far away from my unhealthy family and my abusive ex the kids and I end up renting a room from a family friend. We were in his house less than two months. The friend turns out to be even worse than the abusive ex husband...in fact the friend, who wasn't really a friend, crushes the skull of my 7 month old son. Son almost dies. And at the darkest hour of my life the same dad and step-mom who cannot be bothered with listening to me about abusive husband are nowhere to be found in helping in this even worse situation.

When the ex came in with a dozen roses and said he was going to take the kids, that he never wanted, away because I had introduced them to a maniac, if I didn't agree to re-marry him, guess who was supportive of me re-marrying him? yep, those lovely parents...because abusive ex was a golden boy and I should have counted myself lucky to have his affections once again.

I could not make this stuff up...and a novel based on these incredulous scenarios is out there selling, called:

 "The House that Silence Bought"

...and how dare I have the audacity to write about these things that never happened...and that fine upstanding people do not talk about in mixed company. Wow. I am thinking I should be strung out on profoundly disturbing street drugs by now. But I am not. 

If you have faced anything remotely resembling these types of abuses and inhumanities, I am here...and I freakin "get it"...and you do not have to let incredibly selfish, gossip-seeking, hateful people so damage your self esteem that you do not seek help...sometimes families in denial can be just as damaging as any abuse suffered...at least that was my experience.

That's why I am here.
Stay in touch,

Michelle (aka Shelby)

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.

Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University.

She lives in picturesque Western Washington  with her family and disabled son. 

...who am I...?

I wrote 

"The House that Silence Bought" 

and there is a scene in it, based on actual experience, where the brain surgeon was prepping my then 10 month old son for surgery...the surgeon said if we didnt operate Jordan would die...I was crying and praying...and in my spirit I said "Lord you gave me peace Jordan was going to be ok...Lord, I cannot watch my son die" and very gently, very deeply I heard the Lord say back:

 "Michelle, I know what it is to watch a son die"

...and it floored me, and still does

...God took the time to let me know that he could identify with what I was facing

...and I know I was loved and accepted

...and I would have been strong enough to handle it had Jordan died...I wouldn't have like it...but having God take time to share something that personal...made my life...makes me strong...keeps me going when hurting women want to hear from me/but family doesnt...it was very much like that Casting Crowns song...

"Who am I"...that the lord of all the earth would care to know my pain...not much else has mattered...and Jordan is now 16...disabled...but thriving...and happy...and incredibly bright...and a living testimony of God's mercy...thats why I shared a bit too boldly...how could I not?

God Bless you!!!

(video of "Who am I?" by Casting Crowns)

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 

1-800-799-SAFE 

It is ok to become a "Rules" woman...

Online at Barbara's Bookstore!!!

Buy Now at Barnes and Noble!!!

Purchase Here!!! Tate Publishing

Order on Amazon!!!

Available through Parable Christian Bookstores

Buy at Powell's in Portland / Local Author

(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Michelle aka Shelby Anderson on Facebook
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My novel "The House that Silence Bought" comes out this spring...so far it have been reviewed as compelling, gripping and heart-wrenching. I hope it does well. It was meant to bless women who might think they cannot rebuild their lives if they leave. Let me know what you think. I would love to know your stories.

But if there was one book that I thought would keep a lot of women from making poor decisions when it comes to male / female relationship, beyond the Bible, it would be the book called "The Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider ( http://www.therulesbook.com/ ). While some may not agree, there are principals within the book/program that are specific to women/young ladies developing respect, boundaries and interests beyond looking for a mate. Why do I think assistance is needed in this area? Because some women feel that they are incomplete without a man. And some carry this to the extreme of going from man to man to man...without any consideration to the kind of man that would be suitable for a long term relationship. A lot of us are not raised to know what to look for in a man, a relationship or even in ourselves. This book can help in areas where you may be lacking. Even women who have have had unhealthy relationships, been divorced and have a history of abusive relationships can benefit from reading this book.

Investing in yourself, helps you to learn things you did not know, helps you to be more confident and makes you more interesting. If there are other books that you were suggested by a therapist, pastor or friend that you are more comfortable with, that is fine too. The real suggestion is to find resources to help you develop into the person you would like to be. To become the kind of woman that attracts stable, capable and emotionally available men as companions, friends and potential dates.

Women who have been through one or more abusive relationship will have a lot more to work on than just dating advice. Possible therapy, becoming aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and researching resources to help break bad habits are the priority right after a bad relationship. Sometimes these processes will take years. Sometimes a woman will decide not to ever pursue another relationship. It is all very personal and individual.

But once you have taken stock, done the psychological work, given yourself time to grieve and heal...and have come to the conclusion that you like yourself and know how to take care of yourself...then and only then would a book like "The Rules" help you choose better next (if there is a next time).

One thing that I am a fan of is making a list of traits you want in a man. a list of at least 10 traits or qualities that your ideal man would have. And then out of respect for yourself, adhere to the list of traits...this doesn't include money, cars or material possessions...no degree of accomplishment or money is a guarantee that you will be treated right. When I have varied, I have settled...and the relationships usually faltered. When I bargained with the rules, or my list of traits, I found I was dating emotionally unavailable men...and some of those men were abusive.

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.

Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

The Legacy of Co-dependence

Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.

Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Buy Now at Barnes and Noble!!!

Purchase Here!!! Tate Publishing

Order on Amazon!!!

Available through Parable Christian Bookstores

Buy at Powell's in Portland / Local Author

(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Michelle aka Shelby Anderson Facebook Page

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The Legacy of Codependence http://www.thebridgetorecovery.com When I first heard the term codependence a few years ago, I couldn’t figure out what it meant. Was it just a buzz word, a fad? Was it the invention of pop psychologists or a convenient marketing tool for the mental health care industry? My confusion was underlined by the fact that every expert I consulted had a different definition. One said codependence was preoccupation with other people and their problems in an attempt to get one’s own unmet emotional needs satisfied. Another suggested that it was a pattern of painful dependence on people and on approval to find meaning, identity, and value. Another expert described codependence as a disease of relationships in which the real problem was one’s relationship with one’s self! The most creative description I came across was this one: codependence is about growing up depending on someone who’s depending on something that’s not dependable. This could include anything from abusing alcohol and drugs to compulsive overworking, overeating, and overdoing almost anything. An example would be the child left in the car for one or more hours, enduring heat or cold, while his/her parents are working in the office. Today, I use this simple, generic definition of codependence: “Codependence is the pain in adulthood that comes from being wounded in childhood, which leads to a high probability of relationship problems and addictive disorders in later life.” At the Bridge part of our focus is on the emotional deficits that develop when children grow up in painful circumstances. Children of addiction, neglect, and abuse acquire social and emotional habits that turn on them in adulthood. Survival behaviors such as compulsive caretaking, martyring, door matting, scapegoating, controlling, people-pleasing, and approval-seeking are classic examples. One of the negative emotional habits that codependents develop is categorical thinking. Everything is black and white with no shades in between. This always/never way of thinking leads them to over-react in social situations. Roger, for example, heard that some of the members of his Sunday school class were dissatisfied with his teaching methods. Instead of consulting with them on how to make the class more meaningful, he resigned and joined another class. Another childlike behavior of codependents is personalization – interpreting everything that is said and done in their immediate environment as if it were directed at them. This creates a paranoid perspective, which leads to defensiveness, hostility, and isolation. At a meeting with his prayer group, Mark questioned the unwitting use of sexist language that had begun to occur. Another member of the group, realizing that he was guilty, assumed that Mark was chiding him personally. He took offense and dropped out of the group. A third habit many codependents acquire is what I call obsessive over-analyzing. The mind goes round and round in circles until the emotional system either explodes or shuts down as a result of the overwhelming anxiety that is generated. Another emotional habit typical of codependents is exaggerating or “awfulizing”. Children who have grown up in addictive or traumatized family systems learn to expect the worst. They are constantly waiting for the other shoe to fall. In adulthood, they are prone to place the worst possible interpretation on every event. They see neutral or even positive situations as negative, and they anticipate disaster. This expectation often sets off an emotional chain reaction that creates the very thing they most fear. People who are “stuck” in these immature emotional habits consider them normal. They don’t know any other way to think/believe/behave. Such individuals are not at fault! They need gentle and respectful guidance.

My Kitten, Tigger...and Other Strays...

Michelle aka Shelby Anderson on Facebook

I try to blog from what is going on in my everyday life, movies that I watch, songs that I love, silly things my kids say and do...and of course challenges that we face...or have faced.

I just shared this story on facebook...and when I stopped sniffing/crying, I realized that this story was so appropriate for those who have been abused...


Somewhere inside maybe we are all little lost kittens, wanting desperately to be picked up, loved, nurtured and accepted...the revelation that we are all alone in the world is a stark and painful one...the only thing that makes it better is when we find a place that we can call home...acceptance, love and nurturing can do some very wonderful things to the human soul; just as rejection, abandonment and scorn can damage it...


I have to own my poor decisions, not matter what contributed to them...we all do...but I do wonder if a lot of realize just how much power we have to lift or annihilate another human being in what we do and say. When I find my self "not at my best" which can include yelling, being short -tempered and overbearing...I stop to ponder just where all of that comes from...very few situations require such outbursts...so what is it really I am mad about? what is it  really that is making me feel so pressured that I react that way? 


If each of us were to stop every time "we lose it" and ask ourselves what was really hurting us, so many times it is not even the situation at hand...sometimes it is some other long forgotten wound, not properly healed...that rears its ugly head for attention.  Pressure is having to do something and feeling ill-equipped to do so...so what is really causing our pressure? bills and deadlines come and go...kids will always needs us...and a lot of us don't feel we have accomplished or become all that we want to be...so if those things are almost universal, they aren't really the pressure...the pressure is someone wants something from us, and we cannot deliver...


Why? 


Maybe because there is something else we are harboring...some hurt...some slight...something that has so distracted us that it invades our now...demanding our attentions...and crowding out our obligations...


Take the time when there is less pressure on you to explore those old hurts...talk to them...tell them you are listening...find a way to resolve them...if not between you and the actual person, then maybe on  paper, or in your head...its not that you have to visit for a long time...just long enough to let yourself know that it does get better...and forgiveness is within our grasps in the future...things like denial, keeps us for doing the hard work of actual healing...


I helped a kitten just like in this picture...but I also was a kitten just like this...and I didn't want to be...I didn't want to be rejected, ridiculed or hurt...and so I can go back and say "Michelle, its rejection (or whatever) you are battling...and you will find your way through it...it doesn't have the final word" ...and then I can cry...and laugh...and anything else I need to make that one hurt, stop hurting...and then the next time the food boils over on the stove, the children need something at school without notice, or someone cuts us off driving...then maybe then our frustration level is a bit more manageable...


I kept attracting broken men, who could not give me what I needed emotionally, because I was broken and didn't have what I needed emotionally...their behaviors were bad....and they have to own that...but I would not have gone on the 2nd date, gone to the alter, or kept going back to them had I had healthy self-esteem.


So if you are going through abuse, getting away to a safe place is the first and hardest step..but once you are away, getting to healthy can be just as daunting...but don't give up...because I can promise you will get to a place where you like yourself a great deal...a place where your decisions get better...a place where you can see and work on old hurts.


*********************************************************************
...these days we have a stray of sorts, Cecil, who has taken over our lives and hearts.




...this picture reminds me of when I was a kid, in Virginia...we were at a party...one of those grown up parties where kids just meandered about...I went outside with one of the other kids...in short order there was this mewing sound coming from this large mud puddle...and in it I found this little tiger striped kitten, that couldn't have been a month or two old...tugging at my heart, I took it in to the party and defiantly proclaimed that we needed to adopt the kitten immediately...probably because of embarrassment, my father relented...that kitten became my first pet, Tigger...after the Winnie the Pooh series.

...love the babies, especially the ones no one else wants!!!


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Buy Now at Barnes and Noble!!!

Purchase Here!!! Tate Publishing

Order on Amazon!!!

Available through Parable Christian Bookstores

Buy at Powell's in Portland / Local Author

(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.

Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children. 

Making it...(survival mode)

Online at Barbara's Bookstore!!!

Buy Now at Barnes and Noble!!!

Purchase Here!!! Tate Publishing

Order on Amazon!!!

Available through Parable Christian Bookstores

Buy at Powell's in Portland / Local Author

(Also being marketed in Internationally in countries like Japan, Sweden, Finland, Germany...!!!)

A portion of the proceeds from novel help support local women's shelters

Michelle aka Shelby Anderson on Facebook


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Making it...

...calling this "making it" is a joke, kinda...
...because i haven't made it...
...i mean i know so many things about what not to do...but i am brazenly aware that i do not know all the things i should about what to do...
...it seems like the only path i know sometimes is that of being in survival mode...
...but here is what i have found...half of us seem to be fighting our way out of situations...and the other half of us are looking down on the first half...but what very few people seem to realize, is that we are all switching places...whether its abuse, divorce, parenting issues, job loss...things can can so knock us for a loop, that we join "the other side"...
...there are people living in their motor homes in the deserts...mostly because of economy...so what that means is there are people, whole families out there living in complete "survival mode"...but guess what 3 or 4 years ago they were in their homes, with their bills paid, possibly not giving much thought or compassion to those who were in survival mode then....
...and it cycles...for lots of people...so why don't we talk about it...
...when i was being abused, one thing kept people from action or getting involved was that they truly did think they were above my particular struggles...
...i wonder if it is that our memories are short, our defenses are high and our need for humiliation extreme...
...so am i making it? i do some weeks...others, not...but the difference between me and some people, is that i do actually remember survival mode...and because of that, i would never want to bash someone while they are in it...
...compassion is so rare...i wonder in fact if it died with mother teresa and princess diana...because it seems so scarce these days...i don't want to forget what it is be in survival mode...it helps me understand others...

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Born to unusual, but nice, parents, Michelle/Shelby grew up rather uneventfully, living mainly in the deep south (Alabama). Later she would learn that it was her parents' love for her that not only brought them together, but had kept them together. And so life was ideal in many respects and distressing in others. Eventually though the family did scatter like leaves on an autumn morning. Fortunately she was able to extract a sincere appreciation for love, beauty, and an abiding respect for those who at least try.

The single greatest influence in her life was the remarkable time spent with her paternal grandmother;  it was under this influence that she thrived. Her grandmother introduced her to not only fine Literature, but also the Arts and the Opera. And it was beloved grandmother who told her that if she wanted to be a great writer she must first learn to be an avid reader.

Early adult life would be peppered with indecision, failings, and the haunting of things not learned in childhood. But as is the case with most sincere artist, out of the angst of life came a great capacity for creativity.

Shelby considers her writing a gift...a joy, a tremendous responsibility, and something that helps to define her life.

Ms. Anderson is a graduate of Oregon State University; and is also currently working on a master's degree.

She lives in very picturesque Central Oregon with her two children.